Criticism & Opinions: How to conquer your emotional dragons :: Steem Exclusive
Thanks to @reggaemuffin for asking me to cover the topic of dealing with criticism and emotion as a blogger. Please be sure to check out their page. You never know what gem you'll find!
Criticism
Criticism is defined as:
- the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.
- the analysis and judgment of the merits and faults of a literary or artistic work.
As bloggers we fall into the second definition when we come up across certain comments. We may even ask for this criticism on our work to have a better product when we press the post button.
This is a nasty double edge sword. Without criticism we can not grow as both bloggers and creative writers, tech bloggers, travel bloggers, and every other type. Even when we ask for feedback, we know what we are getting into and it still hurts.
What hurts the most is when we are putting hours of our best into a post, press publish, and the first comment we get feels like an attack against us. At the time I am writing this, the people of steem are much more considerate than other platforms I've created on.
However, that does not mean this can't happen and often it will still happen even if they wrote the comment in a loving way. Sometimes it is very hard to get the true intention out of a few sentences of text.
We must be as a knight who goes out with his broadsword and conquers the dragon to save the town. Here the dragon is the emotion that stirs up after hearing our post might not use the best grammar or someone's opinion comes off harsh and offensive. The sword is your mind and logic.
Our emotions can play games on us, you can not trust them. The town in our example is your reputation as a blogger. You need to save your reputation, not just as steem shows it to be but everywhere online. One comment you leave in an angered rage could paint you in a poor light for months to come.
How To Fight The Dragon
I'd like to point out that the sting will never go away but you do get a little used to the pain. However, it's still a sting and will not feel pleasant. What you learn over time is how to react to the sting and not let the sting cut you to the core.
My goal with this post will help cut down on the time you take to cross this hurdle. It's a major hurdle. The faster you can learn to conquer your dragons the better off you'll be.
When confronted with an opinion or criticism that comes off as offensive we must not act from our emotional state. This is not an easy task and is why many people get into flame wars around the internet. Mix in groupthink and now you have an army of dragons fighting other dragons.
It's messy and no one ever wins. Everyone leaves burnt and continue to believe their opinion is the correct one. What I have found works well is to let the emotion ride. Let the dragon blow his fire while you stand on guard. During this time it is not good to post or comment anything.
Listen! I said anything.
The time for the emotion to pass is never consistent so you need to pay attention to what is going on. Being aware of your emotion is a skill worth mastering. Some people go for walks others write an emotion-filled poem to get it out and then throw that poem away. You will find what works best for you as an individual.
Once the dragon finishes spitting fire (and not in the good Hip-Hop sort of way) it is time to use your sword. Your logical mind is the only way you will fight these emotions and conquer them.
First, remind yourself that even though the comment or feedback sounded a certain way, it was probably never their intention. Then take the points they raised and look at them objectively. If you to get emotional again then let the dragon be its scary self and repeat.
Only after you let your emotions subside and take the point raised in a rational manner are you able to respond. When replying to the feed back or comment do so from your mind and not your heart.
I know that sounds counter intuitive in today's 'follow your heart' mindset. However, this is the only way you will respond in a calm, cool, and collected way. The goal is to slay the dragon not bring out more of them.
Be Compassionate!
As we talk about in depth in the last post of this series, you must have compassion. This is true for dealing with criticism and flame worthy opinions that just make your blood boil. When you use your mind and logic to form a response having compassion can help a ton.
Compassion leads to many angles of success and is the best route. It has the ability to solve so many of the issues we come across in our day-to-day interaction with people online. You won't always receive compassion but you should always give compassion.
When we hear the dragon spew, its fiery breath we often want to turn into a dragon and spew back. As I said above, pull out the sword of logic and use rational. Mix in some compassion and you will make an awesome response that does not break down the other person. We never know what they are going through so it's always better to watch what we type.
The last thing our reputation needs is someone talking about how we were not respectful of the other person's opinion. Remember, this is not just about steem reputation but your reputation online as a whole. Words can travel great distances in a blink of an eye.
Your well thought out, compassion filled comment could be the difference in their day. I have had this happen in my comments on past platforms. Someone will have a crazy response to what I wrote, saying all kinds of terrible things.
I let the dragon burn out, became logical and wrote back with compassion. If someone is attacking you this often takes the wind out of their sails. If they were not attacking you, they will continue the conversation as if nothing happened. This is better than if you start something that was never the intention from the start.
Hey! Thanks!
I'm so happy you clicked and ended up reading my post! If you have a topic that you would like to see me cover in this series please let me know! Also if you have a cool way to deal with criticism please comment it below so others can try different approaches to see what works best for them!
<< J. R. >>
Some Other Steem Exclusive Posts:
Without Compassion You Will Never Succeed
Rocket Yourself To Genuine Growth
You Need More Patience
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J.R., you blow my mind every time you write. In simple terms you explain the complex psyche of writers and every obstacle they must face in their tenure, each up and down and how to counter that. It silently builds faith. Whenever I now feel uncertain or reluctant on Steem about writing and all things related, I subconsciously land on your profile and begin reading through your stuff for inspiration, direction and advice. Thank you for that trust.
You're absolutely right, and your references to the "dragon" and their significance with Gemini's in some post I read today is uncanny, I was able to personally relate. Brilliant.
However, I do feel contrary to you in some places. For instance, you're right in saying that accepting criticism in a calm, cool and open way is a great ability and one that we all should muster as writers if we wish to grow, but I don't think that slaying the dragon is essential in order to do that.
Writing is art, art is passion. Art is unstoppable, art is fierce and it is not logical. It does not know reason, and it flows freely from the soul. While it's important to keep yourself open to the perspectives of others and grow in compassion as a community of artists, it is very much possible, and in my opinion, essential to do so with all your fire, all your passion. Otherwise, it's just not good enough. In the words of my inspiration, Dante, "The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis."
And even though the context here is worlds apart, I think we can draw some comparisons to it. The true courage lies in being able to take criticism in a calm way without letting your fire extinguish, and it's perhaps something we all suffer from, at one point or another... we're merely oblivious to it.
Apart from this, I learned something new from you today. Thank you for being such an amazing source of knowledge and such a hunk. <3
Thoughts?
This is a great thing to point out and I should have done a better job with this in my post. I agree, that we need passion and emotion to create great works. I never want someone to write without it. What I was getting at and should have been more clear on is the emotion that causes people to argue without ever hearing out the other side.
I believe that the initial hit of the criticism is often a defensive one and letting it pass is best for everyone. This does not mean that our response can not have emotion tied in and if we love what we are writing about we should have a passion for the topic!
Great comment as always! Thanks for contributing. <3
"However, it's still a sting and will not feel pleasant. What you learn over time is how to react to the sting and not let the sting cut you to the core"
Learning to react = key. Great post and writeup. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the comment!
This is such a stellar piece and so well thought out. Criticism can really smart. I agree that we need to be objective and respond with compassion.
This is truly key to success online, your rep can plummet so fast if you can't take a criticism with aplumb and fortitude.
Well done! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Thanks for your comment <3
I am very happy you found value!
<3 each and every time!
Thank you so much! Now to think of another one <3
Very informative and detailed post you share i like to read your all article love gain my knowledge
Thanks for your comment <3
Duuuuuuude @jrswab as expected, another excellent, top-notch post! This is a subject matter that I myself am all too familiar with, as in the past I have been drawn into arguments that got really ugly really quick.
I have experienced my fair share of this in the past as well. I used to definitely take it as personal attacks, in my younger days. It wasn't until I got older and wiser (though that part is debatable haha) that I realized that no, they're not attacking me personally, they're just throwing their two cents in from how they are perceiving the situation/ideas that I shared.
I loved this analogy in particular, as well as how you related each part with an aspect of our online presence. It really does feel like slaying a dragon, but like you mentioned a little further down, we can't slay the dragon if we are going to try to out-fire breathe it with our own dragon fire. We must be calm and collected and analytical like the majestic knight who rises to the challenge and slays the dragon with his sword (which, as a side note, it's funny because swords in the tarot are the suit of intellect and logic, ideas, etc.).
I've found that that's really the best way to handle the situation. Always. I've begun to do that as well myself, recently. It never helps to have a knee-jerk reaction to that they're saying, because in those early stages of them unloading onto you, you have no idea what their real intentions are or what place they're coming from as they're leaving those comments. Allowing it time to fizzle out and for the atmosphere to become calmer makes it so much easier to connect with them from a place of trying to understand instead of trying to fight back.
This one is by far my favorite section in the whole thing, though:
I wholeheartedly believe in what you said, and I always strive to come from a place of compassion and trying to understand where the other person is coming from. I don't always succeed in my attempts, as I'm still human and still get carried away by my emotional state from time to time, but at least I can realize when I'm not being compassionate, and that's a step forward for me. :P I really believe that, not just online but in real life, so many problems/conflicts can be resolved through being compassionate and trying to understand where the other person is coming from, instead of judging their words right away and getting defensive (or offensive) about it.
Maybe the other person wasn't even trying to be an asshole, maybe they were just throwing their two cents into the mix and didn't realize that how they worded their response could be interpreted as a dick move, etc. Compassion and understanding really are the key to slaying the dragon and being that valiant knight who saves the town.
Great content as always, man! You know I'm always down to read your stuff :)
A killer comment! Glad to took the time to share your experience and what stuck out to you in the post!
A great way to say it my friend!
<3
Wow, thank you for covering that topic :) I am glad I suggested it and this piece came out!
I'm glad you did too! It was really fun to write about dragons and knights :D
Happy to have met you mate! <3
YOU SUCK !!!!! jokes sweet post I wish more people would take his approach. Being a musician for many years I have developed a thick skin for people's reactions to my posts. I recently did a post where I collaborated with a few steemits and one of them was not pleased with my production but we got there in the end and I took his advice and cleaned up my recording. Let the dragons fall on the sword of logic.
Yes! I used to be a musician as well and I think this has helped me grow a thick skin as you mentioned. Also being a poet I have had to put my work out there and get a lot of harsh (but good) feedback. It's a tough line to walk and I still get better everyday.
Thanks for your comment <3
Definitely not getting the views you thought you'd get also ranks high in my list of utterly devastatingly painful rejection. Wince!!!
hahahahahahahahaha
stabbed to the heart mate ;)
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Awww yeeeeez, I hope I did not ruin it with my vote :I
haha don't worry mate. There will be others!
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