Communication problems and views on life

All human life is built on communication with other people. It is impossible to say how our life would have formed, if we did not meet one or another acquaintance in a certain period. The meaning of any communication is the exchange of information and actions. We are asked to do or tactfully try to explain why we can not help. Everyone knows that people will determine their duties themselves. Parents can refuse to give the child money after 18 years, motivating it by the fact that an adult must learn to live on their own, and they can support their child for the rest of their lives. The ability to refuse a key point of a happy person's life. Unfortunately, not everyone around can boast of their honesty and decency, one must understand that many people are not afraid to deceive and use the kindness of others for the sake of achieving the goal.

So, if you noticed for yourself that it is very difficult for you to say "no", you need to reconsider your views on life and communication with other people. A common situation, one girlfriend asks another to compose her company in the club. The first explains his request, says that she has no one to go to, and the club is always so cheerful and a lot of people, it is definitely worth it to rest there. The second friend would be happy to sit at home with a tea company and an interesting book, but she quickly succumbs and goes to a party. As a result, no rest, a sick head and a sense of fatigue. You should never blindly agree to suggestions, even close friends. First of all, you need to listen to your own desires. Refusing to the person, be firm, do not speak in an apologetic voice, just say: "Sorry, I can not go with you." After this introductory phrase, you can add the reason for the refusal, then it will not only be clear, clear, but final.

If you find it difficult to find a reason, you do not have any formulated proposals, in any case do not lie, it will be immediately visible. Tell us about your feelings very frankly, but do not cross the line of emotional outpourings. To make it clear what we are talking about, consider an example from life. Your relatives call you and say that they want to visit the city for a couple of days, ask you to "shelter" their relatives. You, remembering that these days off wanted to devote to your personal affairs, convulsively come up with the reason for the refusal, say that you are leaving, but at the same time start for some reason to tell about the future repair. Stop and take a deep breath. After your incoherent lies, the relatives will most certainly consider you not the best master, but if you frankly explain the reason, they will have to understand you. For example, say: "Dear Maria Petrovna, I'm a person who does not like when someone else appears in the house. This working week turned out to be particularly difficult, all five days I dreamed of (a) relaxing and just lying on the bed with a book. Please understand me, if you want to come to our city, I can find an inexpensive hotel. " Only such polite and persistent forms will save your mental health.

When talking face to face, psychologists advise adding gestures to refusal. That is, if you say to the interlocutor "no, I can not!", Be sure to make at least one hard gesture, as an option, give up. This little detail on a subconscious level will be accepted by the interlocutor and he will not have any questions left.

Communication problems come from childhood. If you, aware of the problem, can not learn to refuse, you will have to strain your memory and remember all the problematic moments of childhood. Perhaps parents constantly reminded you that being greedy was bad, educating you in the spirit of "help and do not refuse." Memories of childhood are forever imprinted in our memory, at times we just do not understand where this or that model of behavior comes from. To get rid of the ghosts of the past, you need to conduct several "sessions" of work on yourself. Choose a quiet evening, sit comfortably on the couch, grab a sheet and a pen and write out situations in which you could not deny people. In another column, evaluate your actions on the scale "I liked it, I did it with all my heart," "I did not receive any satisfaction, but helped a person", "I did it out of pity and just could not refuse. " Now calculate the number of minuses and draw a conclusion. The whole life consists of actions and feelings, if in your life actions do not bring anything good, maybe you should start listening to yourself.

Returning to the topic of childhood, it should be noted that parents emphasized the problem of "help" because of fear in old age to remain lonely. It sounds sad, but every mom and dad wants to raise such a person who will not leave them in a difficult situation. Of course, we love our parents and try to help them, but such an attitude, laid down in childhood, extends to relationships with other people. In no case can one give one's kindness and responsiveness "will", it needs to be governed by logic and simple calculation "profitable-not profitable" and "like it is not pleasant." Nobody dares to condemn you for your actions, all the problems that we think about are only in our head.