[Daily Knowledge Blast] : The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson

When you go through life solely searching for pleasure you will end up living a life full of mistakes.

Welcoming pain isn't a walk in the park and you don't necessarily have to accept all pain and suffering with opening arms; in fact, you should choose what struggles you can, carefully. Take learning the guitar for example, you will need to accept that you'll get sore fingers when holding down the strings and you'll get frustrated when you miss out socializing with friends because you have your weekly guitar lesson. But, if you want to be able to play music for all your friends and in front of crowds of people, you will follow your values to deal with the struggles. On the other hand, if you just want to learn one song, is the struggle really worthwhile?

The secret to dealing with pain is to first realize that you are not special, you are not extraordinary, you're normal. Just the same as everybody else. We are brought up being told we are special and unique, we are wrapped up in cotton wool and rewarded for taking part, we are exposed to advertisements that instill the idea that we are better than everybody else.

We are ordinary.

What do you give a f*ck about?

Everybody has a purpose, even if they haven't found it yet. Whether it's being a brilliant leader, being generous to the less fortunate or just being a great brother. The problem is, we let these purposes become obscured by the desire to build a career or to get money.

We need to ask ourselves honestly why we want certain things and we should be sure that the reason are inline with our values. By questioning our motives, we will get closer to discovering what our purpose is.

Our values are critical when it comes to taking action, they let us know whether or not a certain action is worth doing.

We have to be able to distinguish what values are also good and bad. Usually bad values are ones that we don't have any control over.

If you take somebody who wants to be famous for example, they are looking to be judged by other people and there value to be famous relies on what other people think. If you depend on values like this too much, you'll end up giving a f*ck about far too much.

Take responsibility for your actions, god damn it!

Sometimes there are events that you haven't got any control over. There could be an earthquake that destroys your city, there might be a flood that destroys your home or your partner could leave you for another person. These things all happen and they are horrible experiences to deal with. But the way you deal with the event is always within your control.

Being able to deal with immense suffering depends on how you perceive failure. It is helpful to remember that failure is not a bad thing, it's actually very helpful for improving yourself. You just have to be able to handle it correctly.
Every time you fail you learn a little bit more about how to do things right the next time and by holding the correct values you will be able to sustain this in the long run.

Certainty leads to insecurity

Doubt yourself. That's right, doubt what you know. We are taught from such a young age about what is right and wrong, but the reality of it is, we need to learn to doubt ourselves so that we stay uncomfortable. Being able to find comfort in the uncomfortable is essential when it comes to leading a stable life.

Most people never question what they believe in, they just take it for matter of fact. This certainty prevents them from improving themselves and it leads to insecurity when different views begin to contradict your own.

Continuously question your values.

Embrace the uncertainty.

Get out of your comfort zone.

Choices, choices, choices...

In the world we live in we have an infinite list of them. As much as it seems like a brilliant thing to have a multitude of choices, the real freedom comes from whittling down your choices and committing to what you really want in life.

We are much happier with fewer choices.

We need to learn how to say no and rid ourselves of the distractions that surround our daily lives. Once we are able to do that, we can begin to focus on what really matters to us.

Learn how to not give a flying f*ck.

Sum it all up

There is a sea of choices out there that we are presented with every single day and we tend to gravitate towards the choices that give us pleasure and gratification. When we realize that suffering through certain events and when we push ourselves towards what we value, we learn to appreciate the freedom and happiness that is really there.
What we really want isn't always right and it isn't always beneficial to us, so we have to question our values and doubt what we think to make sure we don't fall into the trap of taking everything for fact.

Finally, take responsibility for your actions. Don't blame others for things you ultimately control and learn how to not give a f*ck. Saying no is sometimes better than the alternative.