Why don't children want to talk to you?

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Feeling the detachment of your own child is painful, and for a child this has even more important consequences. The most important factors in the emotional and psychological stability of a child is the closeness of their relationship with the parents.

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If the child does not open when he is upset, the relationship may not be so close. Parents have two errors that lead to the "closing" of relations with the child: the denial of feelings and the incorrect choice between sympathy and empathy.

Sympathy vs. Empathy

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When a child experiences deep stress when feeling offended, disappointed or angry, he desperately needs a parent. However, it can be difficult for parents to observe the child with negative feelings.

His first impulse is to say that nothing happens, do not be angry, do not panic; These are phrases that, as a result, the child feels shame for the feelings he experiences, and this deepens the insult.

The expression that the father does not understand him, leaves him alone with his feelings, is very toxic. The child learns that it is painful to reveal his feelings.

Therefore, parents should avoid expressions such as:

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• Do not worry
• Don't get so angry.
• Do not be nervous.
• No offense.
• You are very sensitive

Empathy is better. Accept the child's feelings.

Examples of empathy:

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• You're upset I would be upset too.
• I understand you to worry. .
• It's normal for you to feel disappointed, I also felt that way at your age.
• You are nervous, I understand, you have every right to do so.
• Yes, it's unpleasant when someone does something you don't know yet.
• You are angry, I am sure there is a reason for this. Tell me, I want to understand.

When you have shown enough empathy, the child feels understood by you, feels better, begins to feel the desire to receive help from you.

In many cases, empathy is the only thing that children need to feel better.

Just knowing that the father understands them already adds confidence and a desire to move forward. However, showing empathy does not mean supporting bad behavior.

Empathy gives rise to the feeling that they understand it, accept it, immediately reassure the children. Calmly, they can logically think and solve problems with you.

The fact that you understand them increases your sense of trust. No parent wants their child to have negative emotions, the victim's role, but it is the recognition of these emotions, the manifestation of sympathy by the parents, and does not allow the child to develop arrogance.

Sympathy does not synchronize the feelings of the father and the child, the father simply runs and saves the child from negative feelings, instead of helping him resolve these feelings.

In fact, sympathy is an attempt by parents to change the rules, make an exception for the child, which accustoms him to the role of the victim. On the part of the father, no emotional inversion is necessary, because the father becomes an omnipotent savior, and this affects the parents' ego. This is an easy road that leads in the wrong direction.

Source of information:

https://www.guiainfantil.com/articulos/educacion/conducta/el-mutismo-selectivo-en-los-ninos/
http://nuevoeducarpetas.blogspot.com/2012/02/hablar-los-ninos-y-hablar-con-los-ninos.html
https://www.huffingtonpost.es/motherly/como-consigo-que-mi-hijo-quiera-hablar-conmigo_a_23445127/