I live in a very rare subculture due to the woman I married. I chose my wife because of her modesty, expressed in every facet of her character including dress. She has a vivacious spirit, a friendly disposition, and can look a man in the eye and sometimes be sassy, but she understands true humility. Her spiritual directors and mentors throughout her life have modeled meekness and ego-death, having come to the place of surrender that they no longer need to impress anyone, defend themselves, nor do they need anything. If a woman sits down with a short skirt and uncrosses her legs, the carpet pattern on the floor seems to suddenly capture every man's attention. She is obviously ignorant of what she is doing, and should not be taken advantage of because of her naivete. However, most women in the community take great attention to their wardrobe and see to it that their chests, thighs, and shoulders are not paraded publicly for all to enjoy. the body is sacred and should be treated and viewed as sacred.

that being said, there are men who make a great loud stink about modesty, creating strict rules for how long dresses must be, how a woman's hair must be done, etc. Fundamentalist Christians, Jews and Muslims seem to share the opinion that if they could just wrap the female body in enough layers it would cure their own hearts of lust. How could that possibly be?! who is responsible for your heart except for you? I find that the ones who are going around measuring skirts are often found with their hands up them. This is an intolerable hypocrisy!

I intend to teach my daughters to respect their sacred vessels and to treat their bodies with respect, and to teach my sons that their hearts are their own responsibility. My sons will learn respect for women and all living things. I will teach my children about their individual rights, and about consent. there are so many nuanced aspects to human sexuality and power dynamics, many of which are not even intentionally taught, but there are plenty of ways to create a healthy culture for another generation. I would like to avoid both shame and lust- both of which are unhealthy attachments to form instead of essence.