Oh, sweetness! I love reading your journey. I totally get it! I had a similar moment when I first came to Belize. I just wrote about it today. It was a whole lot of years ago, but I also realized I couldn't ever go back. My parents were also a lot of pressure. After I had kids I had a little more compassion for them and how much they loved me, but I still committed to doing something different for my own kids. I had so many similar experiences - finding myself suddenly a small fish, struggling against my own ego and inner bitch and inner slut. I totally feel you and know amazing things are ahead for you. And btw, you are an absolutely extraordinary writer, especially considering this isn't your first language. Much love.
Here's my post from today. https://steemit.com/ecotrain/@solarsupermama/living-the-immigrant-life-in-the-eco-wonderland-of-belize