When you receive sad news that puts everything back in persepective

in #ecotrain6 years ago (edited)

Yesterday my sister messaged me to tell me that her husband was dying. I knew he wasn't doing very well already, but didn't have a clue that it was this bad so it came as quite the shock.

I didn't meet my sister (my dad's daughter from his first marriage) until I was 12 years old and at the time she was already married to him and had a 2 year old daughter.
In the beginning it was hard for me to get used to the fact that I had another sister that I never heard about before. My parents literally sprung the news to me this way: "Oh, by the way, we need to tell you something. You have a sister, she's 10 years older than you, she's married and has a child and they're coming over tomorrow."

For a long time, I rejected her. Something I regretted later as it wasn't her fault that my parents kept this from me. Funny enough, this sister knows me better and is more like me than the one I grew up with. Later, much later, we grew much closer and especially after I had my first child.
They have always been there for my mother, even though it wasn't her mother and my mom has never treated her any other way than if she were her own. My brother in law especially, was always ready to do some work around mom's house, even though he had to drive for an hour and he had a busy life working 5 shifts.

Memories

I called her later in the day and we talked for quite a while. I hadn't spoken to her in a while but somehow every time we do speak, it's like I've never left. She told me that they had given him something to sleep and it would keep him sleeping. Or that's what they thought. They thought he would have given up weeks ago, but something in him kept fighting. Three years ago, he had a double bypass operation and the doctor did a great job at it, but now it was his doom as his heart was so strong that it kept him alive against all odds. The next morning, he was still alive...
She told me it was the worst thing to see. He was already skinny before this all started, but now he was merely bones and skin. She was worried that he was suffering because she couldn't be sure the medication he had was actually doing enough to stop his pain completely. I asked why they didn't give him morphine. He had patches... I told her I thought this was strange, because here in Ireland euthanasia is illegal, but I've heard of cases where the doctor would just give a person a little too much morphine...

She said: "It's inhumane, if a dog is suffering they put him down. My husband is suffering, Euthanasia is legal in
Holland and yet they don't do it." I replied: "You'd almost think to call a vet instead..." "Yes," she laughed, "I've been thinking about that too." We both laughed at the remark. It lightened the conversation a bit.

I asked if they had any idea what this meant. She said that because he was still so strong, it could take days, even weeks.
She sighed. "I hope not, it's breaking us to see him this way."

I was worried about my niece. She never really had a great relationship with him, but was taking care of him now, together with her mother. I'm concerned they will get the full blast of this after he's gone, as she can never go back in time to try and make things better. I had the same when my mother died. All that time wasted not getting along.

We talked a bit more and she promised to call me as soon as there was news.
He is getting the funeral he wants. He planned it ahead of time. It was good that he was able to do this. His music.
Queen will be played and some trucker songs.
He will be moved to the funeral home by truck, he was a truck driver.
He doesn't want coffee and tea for the funeral. It will be beer and wine.

I am now frantically trying to get us to Holland, my eldest daughter and I. It's expensive and I am searching to find the money to go. We have to. I hope we'll make it. If not to say good-bye, then at least for the funeral. We owe this to my sister who has always been there for us.

This morning, my sister called me to tell me he passed away at 2.30 a.m. Silently. She told me she feels empty. Surreal. She is going to be alone for the first time after being with this man since she was 15.

Their grand daughter, who was sleeping in the next room with her mom, woke up the exact same time.

Something she never does. Maybe he said good-bye to her that way. He lives on in her as well as his daughter.

I feel blessed to have known you Gerrit! See you in a next life!

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I am so sorry to hear this.
It must be hard to not only know that she is going through all of this but that you can't be there with her right now.

Thank you. Yes, it's very frustrating. But I can't change the facts.

I really hope you make it to Holland. Our society does seem to treat pets better than humans. If we are all truly free, we should be able to decide when we want to end our own sufferings. It should not be up to anyone else and certainly not a government or legal system. I hope you can be with your sister at her time of needs.

I totally agree. It's not up to anyone really. It's crazy that doctors or governments get to decide these things. They pull the plug on babies who's parents want to fight and don't on people who are done fighting...It's insane really. I hope to be able to be there too. A miracle would do :) I have the money for it on Thursday next week, but I doubt if the flights will fit the budget then. Maybe I just have to plan to go after the funeral.

So very sorry for your family's loss. A beautiful sharing. Gerrit has no more pain an his spirit flies free. Hugs to you.

Thank you ❤️️❤️️❤️️

Terribly sad story! I am well aware of all the controversies surrounding euthanasia, but I don't think anyone should have to go through all that suffering - neither the sick persons, nor their families.
Hope you manage to go be with your sister at such a tragic moment.

Yes, a lot of controversies. But I believe that a person should be able to decide when he wants to go if he's suffering. It's not up to anyone else really. I really hope we'll make it. Every day we wait the price just goes up in the high season.

Very sorry about your sisters husband @misslasvegas. My condolences!

thank you ❤️️

My condolances to you and your family. That must be hard not being there for your sister right now. It's hard to know that in these cases you can indeed better be a pet as they will not let them suffer.. but humans are treated not the same. Hard to swallow :( I hope you can manage to arrange the tickets.. are they always expensive from there to Holland or is that because of the summer vacation?

No it's because of the holidays. And because it's so short notice. If I had two weeks or more, it could be a lot cheaper. For my daughter and me it would have been 300 for a return yesterday, today it's already 350. Wouldn't be a big deal otherwise, but at the moment, I just don't have it. What's bitter about it is that I would have the money probably next week, but that would be too late :(

Oh that's shitty.. I noticed that too when looking for a friend her flights to here in fall that when I changed the date (in the same session) it would first show me the 15 euro tickets on that day and when changing the date to there it was 20 euro .. and so on.. she also paid double a few weeks ago because she had to wait for permission and saw the prizes rise in those weeks to double prize :( Can't your sister help you out so you can give it back next week? I feel bad for you, those moments are the moments you really want to be there, but due to circumstances you can't.. :( hope you can find a way!

I'm so sorry to hear about this @misslasvegas, I really hope you get to go to Holland, I know it is very expensive to travel this time of year. My thoughts are with you and your family. Much love my friend xxx

Yes, and it gets more expensive almost by the hour. Very frustrating. But nothing i can do about it. I'm just going to have to let it go and maybe try to go later...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find the money in time to be in Holland with your sister. Sending you lots of love and strength. Big hugs.

thank you ❤️️

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what she's going through - and ofcourse also must be hard for you too.

My sincere condolences. Hang in there.

Thank you @sjennon ❤️️

So sorry for the loss. I hope you'll be able to get to Holland to be with your sister. It must really be hard for her... 😯

Thank you. Yes, I can't even imagine how it is for her. The good thing is, is that the funeral has been arranged already. So at least she doesn't have to worry about that. I'm really sad for the little one too. She is only 3 and had so little time with her grandfather.

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