If you already discovered why you always accede to the requests of others, you already have half the battle won. Now you just must know how to implement "the tools of no".

Here is the formula:

• Touch base as your "me": At any request, recognize the impulse to access and remember where it comes from.

• Stop: Train yourself to not respond automatically. Gaining time allows you to analyze and formulate a response. Use phrases like these: "I need to check my calendar." "I do not know if I have another commitment that day." "I'll call you later and I'll tell you." If the person insists that he needs to know already, do not hesitate, he is pressing you. You can, in a kind way, tell her that at that moment you cannot answer with certainty.

• Do not give more explanations: This opens the door to argumentation and "negotiations", which is just what you DO NOT want. Remember: The decision is yours.

• Stay Firm: People who have learned to manipulate you can insist, to see if that way you lower your defenses. To counteract them, he uses the technique that psychologists call "striped record": if the person insists, in a kind but firm way he repeats the same phrase until she captures the wave. For example:

YOU: I'll call you later and I'll tell you for sure.

SHE: But I need to know already, because blah, blah, blah ...

YOU: I understand, but right now I do not know. I'll call you later and I'll tell you for sure.

SHE: But cannot you get ahead of me?

YOU: Right now, I do not know. But do not worry, I'll call you later and I'll tell you for sure.

And change the subject or put an end to the conversation.

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When you are ready to give the "no", be kind, brief and firm. You can say something like:
"Sorry, this time I cannot / I have another commitment / I'm busy I prefer not to participate". At the insistence, repeat the tactic of the striped record. In addition, it is important that you learn to tolerate the discomfort of others. Many people are not going to take a "no" from you, especially if they are accustomed to always agreeing to their requests. Accept your feelings-whether of disappointment, sadness or anger-but do not automatically react to relieve them. The latter takes time, but you can achieve this by creating tolerance for the reaction of others. But that will end up if, day by day, you learn to respect your rights and say "no" without guilt or complex.

Then you will be free!

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