How to educate children to obey rules

Educating to the rules respecting desires and needs is not only possible, but it is also much more effective, because you will have children who obey not for fear of punishment, but because they are happy to collaborate with the people they love most in the world: their parents. To do this we must Stop: Setting Limits on Children but instead we should start Listening and Respecting their decision.

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Educating children to the rules and giving them limits is essential for healthy and harmonious growth. But to do this it is not necessary to oppress the children with punishments and threats. Just find the right strategies with respect for the little ones.

So all this general sense of punishment does not make sense.
And they must be replaced by an understanding of certain behaviors.

Here are some tips from to pass on rules to children without resorting to blackmail and threats:

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• The first few times you give a rule of behavior it should concern a good daily habit, do it together. For example, go to the bathroom to wash your hands together. Remember that you are your kids model of behavior.

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• To perform a task give your kid a time using a timer (that of the phone will be fine): two minutes to brush your teeth, five minutes to tidy up the bedroom, four minutes to put on pajamas ... so your request will become more fun, almost a game.

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• When you give a rule, use a few words, so you do not risk provoking guilt or making judgments. For example, better say: "Cecilia, the pajamas!", Compared to: "you have not yet worn the pajamas!” Every evening the usual story ...

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• Always try to be energetic when you propose to do something: the tone of voice can communicate a stimulating or otherwise depressing message.

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• Give your kid the opportunity to choose, he will be more motivated to obey. For example: "Do you prefer to tidy up the room now or after having brushed your teeth?". To be able to propose the possibility to choose means to feel a feeling of freedom, even if rather limited.

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• Avoid passing the rules as if they were advice. All the sentences that begin with "You should" You have to "... induce a profound resistance in children.

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• In the events of kid improper behavior, do not judge him but freely express your feelings. For example: "I become furious when I see all your legos in disorder".

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• Then clearly express the behavior you expect from him: "I expect that after playing with lego you put them back in the box".

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• When your child makes an excessive request, you have every right to say “NO”. You do not have to feel guilty.

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• Accept the kid anger. The "NO" can generate in the child a suffering that usually results in anger. All you have to do is stay with him and listen to him, even if the child is furious with you. It is not easy, but try to think that with his outburst he is implementing a process of healing from his suffering.

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• If your child does not want to do what you ask with respect, try some creative tricks that can make him change his mood.
  One of these is the pillow war, Bring your child firmly into a room and do a pillow fight with him (possibly small to avoid getting hurt). Little by little it will pass from anger to laughter and its tensions will be released in the game. The benefits of this game are enormous both for your bond and for self-esteem.

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Dominate your anger

Often parents pushed to the limit are overwhelmed by anger, but then repent and be ashamed of their behavior. Here are some suggestions for blocking this mechanism:

• Isolate yourself and vent your anger by hitting a pillow and shouting "Enough".

• Leave home and go running or doing some physical activity.

• Call an accomplice parent with whom you can talk about your anger and give you emotional support.

• Take some time to think about your childhood and understand what mechanisms are triggering between your child's behavior and what you have experienced as a child.

• Remember that violence is transmitted from generation to generation, but also love. Your way of dealing with children will have consequences for the future and this thought should encourage you to give your best.