Very few people deny the impulse to genuinely connect with another human being, and those you met who can't trust the human-to-human impulse in themselves for whatever reason, these people generally find love and affection with a dog or car, maybe even a house plant.
We are biologically designed for connection. Human babies raised in isolation and human elders left to an isolated future fail to thrive, and do die from lack of connection.
We seek connection, and we yearn for soul-to-soul contact and communion. This is the yearning that motivates us to reach out to the person who becomes our best friend. Who is a best friend? A best friend, in my experience, is a person who sees into you without any expectations whether they are attracted to you sexually, or not.
Best friends are able to get past skin deep. They accept you as you are so readily that there is very little tension. A best friend is that one person who will just be there, they know your worst secret, they express care and concern without judging you, and with agape there is no any erotic charge in playing out within the balance and harmony of two people who are best friends.
You appreciate the value of liking, truly, deeply, madly liking and being surprised, delighted, and expanded into new thoughts, feelings, ideas, observations and unfamiliar opportunities for having good old fashioned fun that a best friend brings into your life.
If you've been blessed with a best friendship, it's also a sign that you're able to be in connection with a willingness to love. Having a childhood best friend bodes well for deeper intimacy later in life which will include Eros, sexuality, and sensuality that is another source of soul-to-soul fulfillment through intimate human connection.
Intimacy (into me you see) comes at a huge price. Deep intimacy can't thrive in an emotionally superficial or externally focused life when within us there is no 'there,' there. We pay the price of excruciating, expanding, exposure when we say yes to deeper intimacy and nourishing love between two adult human beings.
If we're afraid of being seen for who we are? We won't be. If we are afraid of being loved? We won't be. If we are afraid of failing? We will fail. If we are afraid of being disappointed or disappointing? We will be, again and again.
The deepest intimacy I've encountered in this life took me by surprise. I have pretty evolved love handles, even unconditional love handles. I do. I practice being loving over being right all the time. I have a solid handle when it comes to giving love to others and I have the pleasure of watching them blossom in a loving moment.
But I don't know much about being loved by a male partner.
I learned in the last year that being out of balance in this way, having a preference for giving love over receiving love, is co-creating a life where I get to do what I'm good at -- giving love -- while there's not a lot of practice of "I love you" feedback coming my way other than from my best friends.
I am blessed with truly amazing women friends. We are easily present with each other, honest, helpful, supportive, generous, patient, kind, funny. No bullshit. This is awesome.
Awareness of not allowing life to express itself fully through my transparent, open heart and healthy body is now painfully and deliciously clear thanks to the deepest connection I have ever felt with another human being. This in no way diminishes the loving connection I feel with my children, friends, and family.
This is different, and this unexpected connection with a man who is so not my type if I had a type answers the dodgy "I'm in a relationship" question: Is that all there is?
That's the question that rises up within us when we make love and are honest to feel the sadness of not having our soul touched in the physicality of sensual desire.
Everything possible for one person to do alone in terms of awakening, living a conscious life, and taking responsibility for my own healing evolution, I have done. Growing into a fuller expression that I can't experience being alone in the sense of having the constant gardening of love growing my soul into greater, deeper love on a daily basis? This is the fruit of the vine.
I'm not alone in my life in the sense there are many people I can call on when I need to be seen and heard at a deep level. And....
The irony? Superficial, social, religious, and cultural conditioning, playground of overactive egos, has to be stripped away before a soul connection will see beyond skin deep, and then see into me. Seeing, feeling, and knowing a man at a deep level, no possibility of hiding, can be frightening as well as exalting. If a man, or woman, is terrified of being engulfed by a love which is imagined as stripping away identity? Navigating through the more superficial functions of daily life with unwavering commitment to truthful, transparent and trustworthy communication will be the most challenging spiritual work of your life.
The outcome? Up to this year, most of my life has been into you I see. Being whole and available for into me you see? I'm trusting life to lead the way. I look forward to the unexpected.
Life Coach, Author, Spiritual Mentor
The Wellness Universe
Conscious Co-Creation Catalysts