What do you say to a dying person?

You know this person is about to die. He is extremely ill, doctors already confirmed that his days are numbered. This may be the last time you talk to him and maybe the last time you see him alive. Now it is your time you are in front of him what do you say?

Was this person a good human being?

What accomplishments did this person have?

What good did this person do in the world?

These are the main question we have to ask.

Honesty and Compassion.

These are the main values we need to have.

Our words should be inspired by them.

To your loved one

Having a conversation with a friend or someone who you really love on their deathbed should be one of the hardest things to do.

The closer you are to someone who is dying the toughest it is to talk even though you have more content at your disposal.

Share the experiences and all those remarkable moments you had together.

Bringing experiences and those special moments of life you went through, being thankful for being with you during hard times, being thankful for their company, being thankful for being a good friend, a good mom, a good son, a good husband.

The lessons you learn from this person.

Everyone has something special to give to the world.

What did you learn from this person that make you a better human being? What did you learn from this person that had an impact in society?

Find those lessons and bring them up in the conversation.

One piece of advice here: Have Courage

This is another value that can help us say what should be said that day.

If you are very shy like me or have antisocial tendencies and you are a little hesitant to do it but feel the need to say it, think about it and go on:

The pain of regret is going to be bigger, if you don’t do it now you are never doing it and there is no second chance to speak to someone who is about to die.

Even if you are not shy trying to articulate your words when you are in this emotional state is hard. Compose yourself and say the words that should be said at that moment and live your life without regrets.

Remembering their contribution to the world

Their contribution doesn’t have to be the same as the ones accomplished by Elon Musk or Steve Jobs, their contribution could be as simple or as big depending on how you see it as raising good kids, being a good member of society, being an honest person, being a good neighbor, etc.

All of these are big accomplishments and anyone who achieves any of these deserves our respect, these are relevant topics that are worth remembering in their last days.

Even just the act of improving the life of your kid or teaching a valuable lesson to your student can be life-changing and improve humanity on a global scale.

Rusticus gave a book to Marcus Aurelius and that act in itself was a big accomplishment because by doing so it changed drastically Marcus Aurelius's life and then he ended up touching and improving the lives of millions of souls thought time.

Whatever that they have done that has helped make this world a better place is worth remembering and talking about it.

Those that hurt you

Can it really be the case where we find ourselves having a conversation with someone on their deathbed who did not respect us or did something terrible against us or did not treat us well during their lifetime? Absolutely.

These scenarios are very common among family members, bad relationships with brothers, sisters, parents, your wife, your husband, etc.

We are all aware of cases where people apologize for their wrongdoing on their deathbed.

Can you forgive someone on their deathbed? Can you have a conversation with someone who hurt you?

The answer to these questions will depend on how big the damage was, there are cases where the damage is so big that the best thing to do is not be there in the first place.

As much as you may not like this person the conversation should be always approached with honesty and compassion.

Honesty and compassion are the main values to show when talking to someone who is dying.

Those that you hurt

If you hurt someone this becomes a little harder, but there is always time for recognizing wrongdoing.

Common sense should be applied here, if the proper conditions are given:

Given the right context.

Given the right circumstances.

Going back to the previous point (how big the damage was?).

Have the courage to approach this person and recognize what you did wrong.

Talk with honesty and try to provide a concise and also descriptive picture of what happened or what lead you to make that mistake.

This is the mistake I made …. I was misguided or was too ignorant….I was too immature... etc.

An immediate apology whether they accept it or not is irrelevant you did the right thing and approaching this in the most honest way is what matters.

Organize your ideas

This point seems obvious but people are unclear about it.

Sayings like “just speak from the heart” are quite broad, unclear, and not well defined. What exactly is it to “speak from the heart”? just say whatever comes to your mind?

Whether it be writing down your ideas or just taking your time and thinking about them makes a difference.

Take some time and think.

We have to be very careful with words, especially for someone who is about to die, oftentimes they have lost a lot of weight, their skin is too pale, they don’t look good at all and some words could be misunderstood by them and close relatives and this is the last thing we want to do.

This happens to all of us. Even intellectuals who are at the top of this game (the ones who read books since they were little kids and constantly write) even sometimes make mistakes like this.

For those who share a religion

If both of you share a religion.

Talking about the afterlife.

Talking about Jesus Christ.

Talking about God.

Talking about seeing your loved ones again.

The idea that this world is not empty and not nihilistic and there is a place to go after you die and you will be reunited with your family in heaven is consoling.

Increase the experience.

Praying together or singing together is really helpful it brings you closer.

I remember after a very long time going into one of these religious meetings, this time more educated and more aware of religion and its role in society reading a few books and watching videos, listening to podcasts on people hardly criticizing religion. And we were praying together for one person, I felt as if I was part of a group connecting with something transcendental.

It was a great experience a little bit of nostalgia may be there.

Needless to say, you could apply this concept for other similar circumstances in the case of praying together, maybe you share music together or a beautiful moment that connects both of you.

More powerful than words.

Sometimes we can prepare the best speech on earth but when the time comes and now you are in front of this person suddenly the words don’t come out or the longer you go remembering the beautiful moments together you start to break down or cry and words become more and more difficult and just a hug or both of you crying together makes the moment one of the best experiences ever.

Sometimes crying and hugging someone you love is more powerful than any words you could come up with.