Loneliness Equals Not Good Enough?

Hello there!
If you have discovered me before, then welcome back. Your support means so much. If you are a first timer here, then I welcome you.

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. Every now and then, circumstances and karma conspire with each other and you can find yourself in a state of shock, wondering what the hell just happened! It happened to me. Its happened a few times actually. One moment your life is one thing. The next, after some sort of event, your life will never be the same again... ever. You can only seem to fathom that one of these life changing moments has happened only after the fact. Sometimes it is only realised when time has passed and not a day since have you felt the same, or had the same life. I'm talking about the big ones. The events, the sentences, the single act, meant that from this point forward, your previous life is dead and everything you were familiar with up until that point has transformed into something alien and scary.
When this happened to me, I discovered that each day had become strange and unfamiliar in an instant. I no longer had the same life or routines. I no longer lived in the same place. The streets were unknown to me and so were the faces. The people I spoke with on a daily basis were absent from my life. My environment had absolutely and totally been replaced. Never would I sleep in the same bed again. Never would I bathe in that bathroom again. Even my clothes began to smell different due to the new wash powder I was using. It's strange but I found that its those small things that added the extra bite to the awful pain I was swimming in. It was a horrid type of fear that I had never experienced to that degree before. Probably one of the worst things that accompanied my pain, was the isolation that happens when an instant life relocation occurs.
I have always loved my own space and alone time, but this was near total isolation from anyone familiar. I had my children with me and they were a life-line, however because they were children I felt unable to share these scary adult themes with them. I couldn't sit there and cry about how alone I was feeling. I needed to be the strong one, because this life-change had also happened to them too.

Over time, this strange and unwanted life that had been thrust upon me began to evolve into my new life. The new things began to gradually become my new normal, my new routine. The people at the new shops began small talk. So did the new neighbours and the odd passer-by on the street. I spoke regularly to the few homeless guys that I would bump into as well. Apart from those little and very valuable snippets of contact with others, I felt very alone. I felt lonely. I was lonely.

To battle this loneliness I threw myself into my 'commitment'. I decided long before my unwanted life change, that I existed in a painful world of my own creation and that I must act to rid myself of it. I have spoke about this in previous posts. In this process I gradually discovered something valuable and life changing. I found that what I labelled as 'isolation', could actually be re-labelled as 'opportunity'. Being largely alone and mentally isolated could mean that I had ample 'focus time' if only I could view it that way.

There is the story of the climber, who, from the bottom, looks up at the peak and knows that between where he is and the summit is a mountain. From this point of view he has a mountain to conquer. Yet if he merely places his focus on the first step, then the next and then the next, he only has the next step to conquer. The next step is a far easier task to overcome than the entire mountain and yet if repeated, the mountain will be conquered. I learned that the way we view a situation has the power to transform the situation. The loneliness could actually be a gift that I could put to good use. How many people would give their right arm for that extra brain time to do something valuable for themselves?
As soon as I re-labelled my personal situation, as soon as I recategorised my new life, I now perceived my loneliness as a quite rare gift. And so I acted. I threw myself into my personal 'commitment' and now here I sit writing this, and here you are reading it. This is loneliness transformed into positive action.
The act of taking responsibility for my life and putting even the worst situation to good use taught me something life changing. I can stand alone. I can rely upon myself. I can find something good in a very bad situation. I had found a new solid foundation to stand upon. I taught myself that being alone can be turned into a dedicated mission in which we can improve and understand ourselves on a deeply personal level. Loneliness is not a label that means 'no good'. Loneliness does not mean weakness or that you are unworthy of any love or friendship. Being alone is merely a situation in which many points of view can be attached. I have learned that you can decide which label you attach to your life.

Mastering a life alone, no matter how long or how temporary it is, in my humble opinion, is one of the most useful skills that you can ever hope to learn. Once you are no longer afraid of being alone, it becomes a reliable space that you can always easily take on again. Being alone can be a reliable and safe place to return to whenever you need to. People may come and go from your life but you will always have you. You can always be alone should you need to. Make being alone a comfort. Make your time alone useful and profiting to you. That is how you will teach your own mind that this alone time is a valuable endowment. Transform loneliness into a dependable, time-tested and positive space and never will you be drawn into negative relationships or situations merely because you fear being alone.
There is truth in the saying, 'Don't treat anyone that is comfortable with being alone like shit, because they don't need anybody.' Make your loneliness your superpower! Transform it into a gift for yourself. Its all about your perspective.

I thank you greatly for reading this post. Let me know how things go in the comments. There is a video too, so please check it out. I will be back with another post very soon.

Always your Wing-Man,

Paul Jackson