A penguins white xmas...comedyopenmic #43..humbug edition

It seems that in today's world there are more and more conspiracies everyday - and many are turning out to be a lot more, than just conspiracies.

The mind finds it hard to adsorb the daily assault on our senses - on the very reality we thought we lived in.
Now it seemingly turns out that we were sold a pack of total lies.

As renown psychologist Jordan Peterson said, allegedly, on his recent tour...

" Life's hard, get used to it....

And when you find out about the truths in this world, then you're gonna have to learn to smile while at the same time, feeling that you've just had 4 fully grown pineapples stuck up your rectum. And not peeled pineapples at that, eh?..'

WAIT!

..... it gets far worse.
Worse than you could ever imagine.
A conspiracy has just been uncovered by our insipid reporter, Patriot. Something that makes 9/11, JFK, (and some other stuff), look like a 'slight fib to a few people'....

As with most conspiracies - the bigger the lie, the higher degree of incredulity when uncovered...

And incredulous, this is...

Deep breath....
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
Half....
Quarter....

.....THERE IS NO SANTA AT THE NORTH POLE!!!!!!!!!!

THERE ARE NO ELVES (or Elvis's).
THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY REINDEER'S!

Patriot has discovered on his travels (down to the shop), that the entire centuries old myth of Santa and his 'elpers, was nothing more than an elaborate distraction to what has really been going on...

While we understand Christmas day is very possibly the only day of the year that you will ever get your head blown, this is gonna blow your head for months, if not for ever ....and ever.
(Sighs of relief will no doubt be heard right across femaledom, world wide...)

Santa and his 'little helpers' are nothing more than a cover story for the biggest drug running cartel in the history of mankind..!

Think north pole, think south pole.
Think Santa:

think...

Seals
And
Numerous
Trade
Associations

Think 'little helpers', think penguins...

For the last few centuries the biggest cocaine cartel has had it's world wide business running from the south Pole.
Patriot, who was not trying to score some sniff for Christmas, came across a penguin. One who who was prepared to talk. (or funny squeak more than talk , actually.... but Patriot, in his 'off his nut' state, could seem to understand him perfectly well..).

For anonymity - and safety's sake - we'll call him 'Reg.'
His partner wanted to remain off the record and said he's let Reg do the talking.
He seemed preoccupied with chewing up an alligator that he'd had some kind of argument with...

Reg said that the whole of the south pole was actually one big lump of coke, and there was no other source on the entire planet..
Why this was so? He didn't really know - and Patriot can't think of any good reason either - but there it is.

Conjecture leads us to believe millions of years ago, the entire continent must have been made up of nothing but miles deep of coca plant growth.
As the climate altered, the plants somehow turned themselves into lots of nice white powder.

It is said that petroleum based products are need to synthesize this narcotic into the final product -, so we can only surmise that the vast oil reserves lying under the ice caps mountains of charlie, somehow aided the chemical process to occur, over millennia....
That's the most convincing story that we can come it with to fit the story, and we haven't thought more into it, because it would take just ages.
If the story has more holes in it than Robert Downey jnr's septum, take it up with someone else, ok?
I'm working on Christmas day here for chrissakes, so gimme a break!

Where was I?
Oh yeah.....

The UN, NATO, The Red cross, and many more organizations worldwide are all run from the south pole today - such as the white helmets. (simply camouflage for product,and not for any humanitarian notoriety..)

Christmas day is not the day after Santa delivering packages worldwide to children, but the culmination of a 3 month global delivery of packages of a very different kind. It's actually a party day for all concerned....

The mules can all take a well earned day off.
Penguins, seals, and killer whales have the entire planets infrastructure covered for the rest of the year, but, in the words of Reg, ' they can just fuck off, there ain't no deliveries today'.

While we see the damage of human trafficking , bear in mind that this is merely the network of the 'mules' needed to - in the words of Reg - ' to get to really hot places'.

And it isn't just cocaine they are distributing.
LSD is also a big favorite.
Why would there also be mountains of paper sheets of LSD, in the south pole?
We dunno... We just can't think of any legitimate reason for that one, no matter how much we bend our minds, but it fits with the story, so we ran with it...
(maybe if we took some LSD we might come up with a good reason...I'll have a word with Reg...)

.......three days later........

No, still no reason whatsoever..... but damn, those sheep....!!!

And now her is the worlds exclusive of footage - for the first time in history - of penguins on Christmas day, in the South Pole.

Truly, truly, shocking....

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I nominate @lucylin and and my girlfriend, @lucyreloaded... 'cos none else will be watching it today......will they?

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