UNplugged Radio Ep. 18 - The Black Fathers Episode
On this episode, Cousin GEM and I examine the diaspora that is the lack of black fathers within the black family. We talk about single dads in relation to economics along with fathers that are currently in sustaining relationships. We also talk about certain misconceptions about black fathers and how to continue to break these biases as men. Don't miss, this promises to be a great discussion about fatherhood.
@44m "We have got to really unplug"
Well, this is unplugged radio. Also, I immediately thought of the Matrix. That movie is so relevant.
@45m - "investing income into stuff"
Our culture has been deliberately made consumerist. This another byproduct of continually elevating women above men in the law and the society. Women are much more consumerist, it has always been their job to handle consumption more than production. This is not good or bad, it merely is.
That is why marketing has steadily gone more and more towards women. That is why every father on TV and in commercials is a dufus oaf, and the woman always appears to be a super mom. Because studies show that makes the target audience for consumption, which is factually something like 70%+ female, buy more. Al Bundy sells Mr. Clean, it's simply a fact.
@46.5m "debt"
When the population ran out of money to spend on consumerist junk, they invented modern, unbacked debt. Now they have nearly maxxed out the payments we can all afford and there's no other way to pull more demand forward into the present. We're heading for an epic economic crash based on excessive debt.
@49m - 401Ks
401Ks will never make it to disbursement for those of us 40 or under. The dollar markets will explode first, or inflation will eat it all away. Like social security, that money will ultimately feed this massive debt ponzi scheme running in the west and be lost.
@25:30m
I'm such a pedant. I think you said contest, but you meant attest. ;)
Geechi, you go on to point out the double standard that exists wherein single-motherfood is practically lionized and worshipped, while single-fatherhood is looked at as terrible and irresponsible. As you correctly point out, this is highly biased. The idea that single-motherhood, which boils down to getting knocked up unintentionally by someone you failed to correctly identify as not meeting your fatherhood standards (possibly/probably because you are too incompetent to operate birth-control), should be considered something honorable now is quite a joke.
Note: I think single-parenthood, in a fair legal system, would be looked at in a gender neutral fashion.
Now, not all double standards are wrong. There is a reason the double standard for sexual partners exists between men and women: men have to work to have sexual partners, so having many means they have developed social skills or other things that other people value, generally. Women do not have to work to have sexual partners, so having many tends to indicate a problem rather than a positive quality.
Consider this sequence of statistics from the CDC (right click -> view image or open in a new tab):
Note that aside from the obvious (more STDs, more likely to divorce) women that have more pre-marital sexual partners are consistently less happy and more likely to suffer from mental illness (here, they only show major depressive disorder, but it applies across other types of illness too, unfortunately.)
"The Patriarchy" (tm) wasn't there to oppress women.
@32m You guys are blowing up during this podcast because of Irma too, huh? I got a ton more activity on my phone since I was in line of the storm too.
@53m - Men being sent to prison for not paying child support is absolutely heinous. The family courts have simply become a system to oppress men and avoid the state having to foot any of the bills for the babies that these single mothers routinely pop out. The state doesn't give one whit about ethics as long as the bill falls upon someone else.
Worst case, they shuffle you as an inmate to one of their "for profit prisons" who are buying up the politicians. At least they'll get a kickback somewhere.
@55m Social Security
Yeah, SS money is gone. It was never there, it was always just being used up. The "lockbox" that the president lied about decades ago was always empty.
@1:02 - Thinking about the father.
Women are not going to think or care about the father, at least not the problem-women we are discussing specifically, until they themselves experience the negative effects of what they are doing. In other words, not until the culture/family is destroyed and the remaining weakling country with negative population growth has been annexed by China or who knows where will they potentially realize what they have wrought.
@1:04 - "Even when you not working, you owe money"
Yep, that's the idea. The goal is to make sure the state doesn't pay it, and appease female demographics. By whatever means necessary.
Consider the story of Dan Larimer, who created Steemit. His wife recanted on a prior agreement to honor church mediation, sued for alimonty, custody, the works and got payments in excess of 50% of Dan's current salary, even though he was leaving to create projects like Bitshares and Steem and wouldn't have a salary. He was ordered to pay over 50% of his after-tax income from the job he used to have to his wife for some indefinite period.
Steemit literally exists partially in reaction to the crimes you guys are highlighting here.
@23m "Putting a black man in jail, will that help or hinder his provision?"
These women know that calling in a complaint that will get a man arrested, then fired, then unable to make future payments will not result in getting the payments for the child.
It's not about helping the child. It's about using the law to punish someone they see as having done them wrong, in a way that satisfied their personal emotions.
It's an enormous temptation to do that if you are able. Power corrupts. The system must be changed. I'd support simply scrapping all divorce proceedings and eliminating shared property. Let everyone title stuff in their own names and marriage be nothing more than verification of sharing tax and health benefits.
Got my stake back, so I'm going to give you a full vote at this point and move on to my next ranty-comment.
"Black fathers care equally / love they kids as equally as the mother"
There are certain large groups who will be very reluctant to agree with this. I suspect black women would be on of the largest demographics to object.
@17:30m
Gem correctly identifies what should be obvious to these women, but sadly is not. Our genetic legacy is in many ways the literal reason for our existence, of course men, by default, want the best for their offspring.
One of the greatest crimes of feminsm and the total feminization of western culture was it became not only acceptable, but politically correct and encouraged to somehow automatically assume that men were more selfish than women, despite the fact is has ALWAYS BEEN MEN sacrificing, slaving away in the fields and dying in the muck on the front lines, to create and preserve all of human civilization, science, and culture.
Men may have (almost) never been less appreciated for their work than they are now. Just as women may be more over-regarded now for their attempt to be "totally equal", in the face of first-world birth-rates well under replacement, than they almost ever had before.
The logical end result of feminism is birth rates at ~1.0, which means that every couple has only one child. Population halves every generation until extinction.
See: Japan.
@21:30
Women definitely know the court is on their side. I see it in my line of work all the time. Not all of them use it.
Going to break off this rant here as well.
@1:04m - "We're all slaves"
More or less, yes. Freedom is quite elusive.
@1:05 - "leaders we can look up to, some were dirt poor"
At least that used to be true, unfortunately now this pathetic crew of corporate ass-kissers that pass for politicians are mostly "legacy hires" and products of nepotism.
@1:06m - Can we make the million man march just all men, instead of black men specifically? How about the "Many Dude March?" Us white guys have basically the same problems you are talking about, though we may sometimes have better options to deal with it thanks to circumstance.
I don't want to be the only white guy there if I come to march with you fellas. I have a feeling my presence might not be universally construed in the supporting context I would intend.
I'm always for de-racializing things, it opens you up to bigger groups of allies.
This episode was one I was really able to comment on, because this is an area of my expertise. Not black culture specifically, but the state of gender relations and relationship therapy.
@1:09m "Black dad's keep rockin"
The cards may be stacked against fathers right now in the US, but unfortunately it is often the lot of men to persevere in the face of a poor outlook. It's really your only option.
@:end
I hope all my comments weren't too much!
Great show guys. Hope some people listen all the way through. If only you could do it in 5 minutes!
No that's perfect. So here's the thing Lex, my cousin is "Pro" Black or what you would call radically black....Black Panther linesLoL...But I love it. The reason I think our conversation (Gem and I) is good is because he never changes his stance, a lot to what I agree with...But I also use his views to also open up a debate of whether many things we speak in regards to affect everyone, which of freaking course they do. What I do feel is a lot of times, we as black people--and this is due to past slavery--never come out of thinking globally and putting our self as a global culture along with the rest of the other cultures in the world. This is due to historical disregard of our relevance many of times. Still, we as black people tend to keep ourselves exclusive as if we are superior due to our struggles and our strength, all the while forgetting that we are still the poorest. So with our exclusiveness or special"ness" should have brought some wealth, right?....And so this is where the contradiction happens. And so we converse on the UNplugged Radio because "my mission" is to lift people, especially black people out of this self absorption of poverty, struggle, and the inevitable consequences of that which is blame... and force ourselves to look at ourselves as equally as wealthy cultures, middle class cultures, and cultures that essentially run the world as well. If we begin to do that, then we can create conversation that inevatably will have to include all racial groups. But it's like an addict, as long as we are hurting, and in poverty, mental slavery, blaming, and just outright hopeless, I have to in a sense....sly heal. I'm so glad you made EVERY single one of those points. I've been waiting on you to hear the show in-depth and give a true perspective and I think I finally got it. Because I would call you friend, I never wanted to offend you. But the fact of the matter is, black people in America are in a lot of pain and I wanted to create a platform to heal so we can come out of that mentally that keeps us from including ourselves with every culture. We need a mental cleansing so we can then "think" in the appropriate way. Eventually once the healing takes place so then does the nature and global inclusion of the topic of conversation. I myself man...like if I told you how many times I've been arrested unfairly, beaten by police...I swear my story is so amazing in an inspiring way. I'm going to make a Vlog tonight, I want you to especially listen. You my dawg man, your comment choked me up. You really gave honest and thoughtful feedback and I love that about you bro. Thanks so much. Stay tuned.
I hear ya.
What I would say to Cousin Gem is that young white guys like me, in their 20's, early 30's, or even younger have, for the most part, never oppressed anyone. We've been more or less screwed, arguably to a lesser degree, by the exact same parties you have legitimate grievances against. We really had nothing to do with it.
Having a movement based on some of the legitimate issues I commented on in this thread, many of which Gem correctly identified, that you limit based on race is, by definition, extremely fuckin' racist. It prevents a lot of people who would be on your side about these things from being able to "get there", and perhaps more importantly, it allows your opponent to correctly brand such a movement as racist. Once you are seen as racist, it becomes social suicide to listen to you. Such a movement is perpetually relegated to the fringe. It creates a cycle that furthers the oppression of its members.
You don't see all that many "Malcolm X Blvds".
You have to look cleaner than your opponent to win the game of social politics.
Such an important conversation! I'm only 10 minutes in so far but I'm liking that this is being talked about.
Thanks Kay. Always appreciate your support. Yes, this is our very explicit no hold bars podcast on different urban culture topics.
Listened the whole way through! You know this is a world wide issue that interests me, it happens here in NZ with Maori (Native New Zealand) Father's. I guess you already know, nothing is a mistake with the system, it was designed to have the exact effect it is having on people today. What a waste of a beautiful life they have designed to have suffer. Things are changing, and it's the conversations like these that spark change. So all power to you!
Yourr probably one of the few people i've listened to thats given me feedback on the show. Another good friend of mine @lexiconical is pretty good for listening through its entirety. Thank you Kay, that means a lot to me.
No problem.
Thanks for posting both, I couldn't get the dtube link to load. I think it might be my browser. YouTube may be going into the crapper, but it's still often the easiest plug-and-play option.
Listening now.