Dear Diary: Getting Ready Now For A 7:00 PM Dialysis

I am now just getting ready for my graveyard shift dialysis session at 7:00 PM tonight and it is just hard really for my parents to suffer along with me in this kind of scheduling. But what can I do? I am really dependent on my parent's support for me physically and I cannot for now do anything about it.

I want soon to just hire a nanny for me if I would have the funds to sustain that kind of need because I really do not want to bother my parents anymore and with that I am just frightened that if one of them would be gone while I am still around I could not imagine the hardship and sorrow that will follow.

Now we have to really mange this together with my parents but deep inside me I get the thought of just to disappear so I could save my parents some inconveniences that I am giving to them.

But due to my passion and longing to help them as well I want to still live and catch the next crypto wave so I can get the needed funds to uplift our lives from poverty and medical problems. That is why I have the 50/50 desire to live and to die but what I can get in the future I will just accept it.