Nonviolent communication: how the talks will lead to peace!🧡#74video

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Words coming from the heart break barriers and cause empathy.
(Marshall Rosenberg).

The method of nonviolent communication (abbreviated NVC, also called Compassionate Communication or Collaborative Communication) was developed by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg.

His preparation for the creation of this method was not fast. He noted that the way we express our thoughts in words is very important in how the interlocutor will perceive all this.
After all, most people come into contact with good intentions, especially friendly by nature people. But often a pleasant conversation at first leads to conflicts and mutual hostility.
In particular, this applies to communication in social networks, when we don’t see the facial expressions and body position of the interlocutor, which could better understand him. And all we have left is words.
And here we can come to the aid of a method of non-violent communication.
Rosenberg uses technology NVC still with 1960-ies.

The NVC method is a language of empathy that offers us tools for positive communication. Technology of NVC helps us to understand ourselves and our needs in communication, to understand our reactions to the messages of the interlocutor, to take responsibility for our reactions, to hear others and to resolve conflicts.
And also to express the essence of our own needs and feelings so that the interlocutor took them without distortion.
Rosenberg says that all human actions are caused by different needs that people try to satisfy. Understanding and recognizing these needs helps cooperation and peaceful interaction between people.

The essence of the method is that:

1. Learn to express your feelings and needs correctly,
2. Empathically understand the feelings and needs of others.

The difficulty is to get rid of our opposite habits of communication (make comments, blame, take offense, be aggressive, etc.).
Nonviolent communication consists of 4 components:

1. OBSERVATION
   The first stage is to see the situation as it is. Look like you're not human, but a video camera that just records everything as it is. No emotions, no judgment. To see just the facts: actions, words.

For example, if I say to a friend ,"you're cruel!"- he will take my words as criticism and he will have resistance. And even if he does have some cruelty, my words will only make him more cruel person.
But if I had said the same without my conclusions, I would have given my friend the opportunity to draw his own conclusions.
For example, I could say this: "When you played with a kitten, he meowed and hissed." The person will agree with it, because it is the fact.

And what I want to say is the tasks of the next stages.
To check how well you can just watch, without judgments and interpretations, let's do an exercise from the book of Rosenberg! It’s simple!

Exercise 1
Observation or assessment?
Choose in the above statements those that are observation without impurity evaluation (if this is an observation, say “Yes!”, if you recognize the grade in the statement, say “No!”).

1. The day before yesterday, John was angry with me for no reason.
   Don't see the answer before giving your own answer!!! ______________________________________________

2. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I believe that "without reason" is an estimate.
   Also, I believe the assessment is the claim that John was angry. Perhaps he felt bad, scared or sad. An observation without an estimate might look like "John told me he was angry " or "John pounded his fist on the table".

3. Nancy was biting her nails last night when she was watching TV.

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1. YES! If you have noted this point, I agree with you: this is an observation, not mixed with the assessment.

2. Sam didn't ask for my opinion at the meeting.

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1. YES! If you have noted this point, I agree with you: this is an observation, not mixed with the assessment.

2. My father is a good man.

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1. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I believe that a "good person" is an assessment. Observation without evaluation could look like this: "my father gave twenty-five years to charity a tenth of his salary".

2. Janice works too much.

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1. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I believe "too much" is an estimate. An ungraded observation might look like, "Janice spent more than 60 hours in the office this week".

2. Henry's aggressive.

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1. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I think "aggressive" is an estimate. An observation without evaluation might look like this: "Henry hit his sister when she switched the TV to another channel".

2. This whole week Pam was first in line every day.

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1. YES! If you have noted this point, I agree with you: this is an observation, not mixed with the assessment.

2. My son doesn't brush his teeth often.

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1. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I believe "often" is an estimate. An observation without evaluation might be: "Twice this week my son didn’t brush his teeth at night".

2. Luke told me I looked bad in yellow.

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1. YES! If you have noted this point, I agree with you: this is an observation, not mixed with the assessment.

2. When I talk to my aunt, all she does is complain.

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1. NO! If you have noted this point, I don’t agree with you. I believe that "complains" is an estimate.

Observation without evaluation could look like this: "This week my aunt called me three times and each time said that other people behaved with her not the way she wanted".

See you in my next video about the NVC method. I will talk about feelings.

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