(DSound Exclusive!) "Dear Caeden" - The loss of a son

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My son, Caeden, passed away almost 8 years ago. There were some unforeseen medical conditions that led his death after his birth. It was, and still is, a very tough situation for me. I wrote this song to help me cope, which is why I write songs in the first place. This was probably the most defining moment of my life, and changed me in such a profound way. I can look at who I was before and after, and the two people are very different, for better or worse.

The loss of a child is something that can honestly not be expressed in words. It's a constant whole, a vacancy that'll never be filled. The worst thing is just not being able to see the man he would have grown to be. To be there for him, to love him... That's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, and even though it's been almost 8 years, I still deal with it every day.

If you aren't interested in hearing a grown man cry, lol, I would say not to listen to this song, because I do cry a little bit in it. Can't help it. The quality of the audio is not the best because of this. Was very hard for me to get a good recording because it's exceptionally hard for me to actually perform this song, for obvious reasons. I hope you guys enjoy the song, or at least get something out of it. Thank you for checking out my music!

Lyrics:
Waking up looking at the clock again,
Wanting it to all end, no acknowledgements
Trying not to think about how my life has been
Seen some stuff, it’s a rough life I’m in
I had a son, but I didn’t see him turn one
Not one breathe, not one step,
Not one goodbye when he had left
The days went by, All I did was rest
They said I was “upset”, no I was more like death
I didn’t leave my room except to go work
I pissed in cups too and you could smell it on my shirt
You say that’s sick? well I was feeling worse
Have you ever had to see your kid dead and in the dirt?
If you have then you would know the loss too
It’s like life done gave up and forgot you
So fuck life, I wanna be lost too

Feeling void… That’s the real description of it
Just a zombie, eatin, shitin, feelin nothin
I don’t think about the future, cuz it's what I miss
I don’t think about the past, cuz it don't exist
I don’t think about the present, cause it all is shit
All I think about is this confusion that I can’t forget
And how my life has missed, and how I might of hit
it out of the park if I got the chance, it might be it
But it’s not, will it be, is it ever here?
Is it ever gunna be my day, my month, my year?
They say to dry my tears,
But what’s the use? cuz when I do they reappear
But there is no fear
It’s just a blank stare, I breathe in deep though
just so I can make air
and when I ain’t here, it’s because I can’t bare
all of this shit in my head every day it aint fair, God, it aint fair