Short Story: Supporting a Friend

“Smoke this weed it will help you”

“I don't like when you tell me what to do, I'll smoke it when I am ready, and I will ASK you.”

It's really clean out door, my buddy grows, not so much for profit, but to create the ultimate strain for outdoor growing in our climate. Doesn't so much get you “high”, just mellows you out, but NO paranoia. Super clean burn; really nice taste.

“K, Just looking forward to you trying it because I think you will like it.”

“I'm really worried you are going to make a big deal out of this weed thing. Like you are going to force me to do it, and I'm going to want to leave.”

“No, its not like that...” I put the half doobie down. “..Just saying, its here of you want it.” There was more dialogue, it was mostly this defensive type of one sided argument. It takes her time to settle down in this way.

She already “used” earlier, heroin, the trick now was to get her to last until after dinner once my roommate had gone to bed, before she needed to use again. We are both trying to help her succeed, individually and together. But she will definitely resit even the slightest feeling of me tell her what to do, or suggesting it etc.

She played with her cellphone a bit more, texting “friends” but also family, and continued to puff on her smoke while I finished the doobie.

A few more minutes went by and she ask me “Can I have a few puffs now?”

“Oh, ya?”

“Yes, please”

The doobie was a roach now, but I don't argue when she does this. I jumped up and went and rolled another small doobie (nothing to overwhelm someone who doesn't smoke weed often), and came out probably less than a minute later.

She took a few puffs, giggled, looked up to the stars etc.

“Hey girl, can we start dinner?” I wanted to have the kitchen clear before my roommate came home in an hour. She knows this cause I was bugging her about it an hour ago.

“Oh, ya. I forgot what time it was.” More giggles.

Inside she started chopping. Onions, garlic, tofu, tomatoes, and a spaghetti squash. Crazy to watch her not be able to barley stand straight or move well, yet great with a knife. Scary if you didn't know that about her.

“I went to culinary school you know?” She would often say.

“I know.” I reply. “You've worked many jobs.” And she has.

She wanted to ask me about something, and it took her quite some time to get the courage. She brought up a kids book “A Wrinkle in Time”. She doesn't understand why this book isn't still in the school curriculum. She did a project when she was young. Her teacher failed her, and her mom made the principle see the presentation and then she got an A.

“How dumb is that?”

“Yup, its dumb girl.”

“So here is my question...”

“Ok.”

“We are all sort of selfish, in a way, and I think if I asked this question to different people they would think I'm crazy...”

“That's what I'm here for girl, what is it? I think you are intelligent, you KNOW that.”

“Well...am I different than you? Or, are we all just basically the same? And are we all just selfish?”

“I think its an intelligent question. I wonder if we can ever consider the possibility that both are true?”

She had more questions.

We cooked, we ate, roommate said good night, she used, we went outside for a smoke.

“I'll smoke some more weed if that's ok, and can you make some kratom?”

Kratom is a special tea I found and introduced to her that is used to treat opiate addiction in Thailand.

“Yup, I'll make it.”

“I won't necessarily have some NOW, but I'd like to know its around.”

“Ok.”

I've been reminding her about Kratom all day. She seems to forget how much it helps her thinking get into line. But if she waits too long, and starts to feel sick from not using, it'll be even harder for her to want to take it. If I tell her to take it, she feels abused.

We puffed on another joint, and she shook and sipped her Kratom for an hour. She should probably drink it in one shot, but I gave her 1.5 of a dose cause I know she has a big tolerance and tonight was an important night. She has a doctors appointment in the morning and she has to get a form to that doctor so she can go to treatment. And that doctor has to renew her methadone.

If she doesn't stay home tonight, she won't make this appointment. And she was out last night, and the night before, even though she used those days (as if that might stop her) and even though she had some clean friends to hang out with, talk to, and even have a few drinks with dinner.

But this seemed possible. A couple doobies for someone that doesn't smoke weed, dinner, nice chats, and kratom. In an hour or so she could be ready for bed.

More talks outside. She was laughing, borderline losing it to fun hysteria. Making fun of herself, just rambling. She was staying quiet, whispering, totally in her own control.

“K, ready for bed?”
“Ya, girl, let's do it...”

It's 1p.m. We'll get to bed at 3p.m. at this rate, but I'll take it. She'll be tired, I'll be tired.

Her in the room, looking for pajamas, digging through clothes. Looking for ear plugs. Having to pee, in the bathroom for 30 mins, probably on her phone, but maybe not.

I text her 'I made you some cereal, its getting soggy, I didn't realize you would take so long'. She comes out.

“Where's my charger?”

“Dunno, you get my message?”

“No, I wasn't on my phone, I was doing my face” I don't know what she said she was doing, whatever girls do.

She wasn't shooting up. She would do it in front of me. If anything she was smoking something. But even that she would just ask to do it in front of me. Girls just take unreasonably long in the bathroom sometimes. And/or she was texting "friends" and maybe her sister.

“There is cereal here for you”

“Aww, thx, and then are you ready for bed?”

“Yep” Ya girl, trying to get you to bed for hours and hours.

And we got there, thank god, or whoever you want to thank, or whatever cliché is appropriate. The mind is so weird. I didn't mention it, I didn't make a deal, no rules. She just did it on her own. She's in for the night, phone is off, and alarm is set. Apparently we are going to the doctors tomorrow to set up her treatment option.

Lights are out, were are on our backs. We are just friends. Most nights we don't cuddle or touch. Some nights we hold hands. I know we aren't necessarily home free for sleeping yet...

“Do you think I could have another smoke?”

“Well not really, I don't wanna wake everyone, its really late...”

“Can you just tell me yes or no please?”

“Umm, no girl, its too late.”

“Ok, thanks. Good night.”

“Night.”

We both seemed to fall asleep fast. It didn't last though. I was so worried I'd get her going and awake if I got out of bed that I didn't pee before lying down. It was gonna keep me up, but I didn't care.

I woke up a couple hours later. She was reeling, not convulsing, but grimacing in pain. Her toes were jumping, and she was tossing.

I can't do anything. I fall asleep for a little longer and then check again. She's still doing it, getting worse, I'm not sure she's sleeping. The kratom has worn off. I can't do anything. I want to offer her a smoke but she's gotta make the night here, and she's clearing trying. Doesn't need an excuse to get up.

Another hour goes by, roomate left to work. She's still writhing, just very uncomfortable, wants to check her phone but is clearly resisting.

“I'm getting you some more kratom, you don't have to drink it.” She mumbles, I don't know what she said, but I don't care. Probably something like, “I'm not drinking it.”

She has her own agenda, own idea, own direction. There is only so much I can do. Mostly just provide options.

Her alarm rings, and she hits the snooze.

“How are you doing girl?”

“Sick. I have to go uptown and do a hit, and then go to my appointment.”

“I think we should go to your appointment, you have to get your prescription, and you have to get that paper signed. You have a SUPER important day.”

“Don't tell me what do. I'm gotten myself this far.”

Ya girl. You aren't very far though. If she goes UP town, there is no guarantee she'll make this appointment. We need to go DOWN town. Time is closing on her. Nearly every day she has multiple crucial things to attend to that could spin her life out of control if she misses, or keep her stable for another day if she hits. She can't miss the doctors today.

I text my sis for the car. 'Sure, I get off at 4pm'. Bah. Its not good enough. I offer to walk up and get it and pick her up from work when she is off. She is ok with this. I text my friend 'Back in 20 mins with the car!'. I pace a little, go to the room, “I'll be back with the car”

“Can you leave a smoke”

“Yup”

I pull a smoke from the freezer. I'm SORT of hiding them. Just trying to slow down her habits, not just for her direct sake, but also so I have something to help her with when she's around.

I leave the house, I have just enough time to run up the hill. It's about a 30 min jog. Its a lie, I'll be longer, but she won't leave to get drugs if she knows I'll drive her to drugs in nearly the same time (albeit AFTER she sees her doctor and gets her methadose)

I get back home with a half hour to spare.

The smoke is still there. She's REALLY sick.

“I just have to go up town and shoot up, then we are good to go to the doctors.”

She knows I won't have it. She also knows once she's in the car, she's home free to her methadose.

“I have to make a phone call, I have to call the treatment center.”

“Yup, you do that.”

And she does. She tells them she's going into see her doctor and to fill out the form. When she is off she explains she just needs a WITNESS for the form and to send it back. Fine. I'll take it. WE can do that. We just gotta get your prescription renewed then. PERHAPS I can get her to print out the form at the doctors office, cause I know they will do that for her.

“Ok, ready?”

She gets up, asks if we can take her bike. She won't let me come back for it after.

“Can I have the rest of the smokes?”

“I'll keep two girl, so you have something when you are back here.”

I kept four, and gave her three.

“Ok.”

On the way there, she says something interesting.

“I'm glad I suffered last night. It reminded me of what I am fighting to get away from." I told her I knew she was going through it, and I know that she needs me to just leave her alone. But I was there with her.

“I forgot the Kratom, damn.”

“Really? I thought you weren't too into it?”

“Well I realize, if I am out and just running around I can drink it and then I'll sort of be able to come home and just calm down.”

It's really weird, because these are HER thoughts. I didn't bring the subject up, or expect her to take the Kratom.

I drop her off and park down the street. I sometimes go into her doctors appointments, but I wanna give her privacy. Plus her bike is half sticking out of the trunk. And once she makes it downtown she won't skip her methadose. And so she won't avoid seeing her doctor to get the week's worth of prescription renewed because its in the same building. And she MIGHT even get her papers for treatment filled out and signed. All this, would be amazing for her.

I wait 20 mins, and then text for progress.

'How you doing? Hey remember to print out that paper'

'I'm just peeing, but I can't pee, hehe'

'Waterfalls, and rain-forests' I reply.

'I'm good, you helped me!'

'Cool, you got that paper?'

'Oh ya, I'll do it!'

'I'll be out soon, I'm next!' You always have to give a urine sample before you see the doctor. If you can have 3 consecutive clean samples you can start to carry your methadose prescription and you don't have to see the pharmacist every day. Every addicts dream, not to have to come downtown, but impossible for most/many to achieve.

'Not to overwhelm you but remember the paper.'

'I got it! Signed and sent. Whoo hoo! And I got my care card number' Ah right, that was something else she needed I forgot about.'

'Ok I'm coming out, meet me out front after I get my juice!'

'I'm just across the street, about 3 cars down'

'I'm getting my juice, I'm looking for you to pull up'

'Hey girl, I'm right across the street, you will see me'.

I guess we're are playing a game here. But I watched her go in, and I'll see her come out.

She gets in the car, “Guess what?! I passed my pee test!!! I don't know how, or wtf, but I guess I just have a super high metabolism?!”

Wow. This isn't like a, 'Wow, you did good.” I mean, I was there when she used the night before. But she has no reason to lie, cause the treatment center she is applying for KNOWS she is using.

“I tell people, I need more to get high, and when I get sick real quick, I'm really sick.”

“I know girl. You have Ozzy Osbourne genes.” It's destroyed her life, but also kept her alive. I mumbled that but she was already into her phone.

I checked at home later. She really did download the file from her email at the doctors office. I set the email up for her, I don't like to invade her privacy, but I got a confirmation of her login to MY email which means she used the councilors computer. She doesn't know I would get this confirmation, I didn't know I would.

I dropped her off with an older guy. Nearly too old to be physical with her. He just likes her companionship. She's been through so much trauma, she truly does avoid abuse if she can. She can't really get away from this one. Some guy, basically homeless, but doesn't get engulfed by addiction and drugs when they are around. So he always sort of has some, or some ways to get some. He helped her get this far. Gave her a place to stay, gave her a steady supply so she could have reasonable routine and stable days to get to meetings and appointments that would allow her to get this far. Such a double bladed sword. Not really a psychical type relationship, but just something difficult to get way from.

He let her move out to my place with no fuss, so he wasn't controlling her in that way. He let her go to detox and try to get to treatment. He sees himself as a friend, just doesn't understand how he ruins her life by being in it.

Me and her each worry if my role is comparable to some sort of trap that might be implied in the above. There are a FEW key differences though.

Today was an incredibly significant day for her. She could have lost it all. I can't keep giving her a place to stay if she isn't fighting for her life back. She could be on the streets with no friends and family in an instant. The cell phone I got going for her would eventually run out and she would disappear into the streets.

Or, if she got all that done, which she did, she could go up town like she always does, get her fix, and come back, later tonight, late tonight, or perhaps tomorrow morning. Food and a warm place to stay. Conversation, love, communication. She can have a plan, and her stuff will still be here when she is back.

It's two weeks or less to get into treatment, into THIS treatment option. Her LAST option. They know she needs a week in detox, and so she is waiting on a call to tell her to start calling detox. Detox is a 2 – 5 day wait. So if she can be stable for a few more days, she might get this option in her life to open up.

A few more days, but she doesn't know if she will keep herself together. However, she knows now, because of today, all she has to do is make 1 phone call for a few days, and then start making another to detox. She went to detox a month ago (you can only go once every 30 days), and made it through, but her treatment center arrangements fell through, and she's been struggling to stay stable for the last few weeks.

Once she is told to start calling detox, and she HAS bed lined up for treatment, she KNOWS she is home free. From now until then, she just needs to survive.