Changing Change

A man walked into the department store, jar of coins in tow. He was ecstatic; he had been saving his spare change for years, and now he had finally filled his jar to the top. The weight was considerable, and the contents gave a satisfying rattle every time he moved it. He was going to take it to a coin exchange, and redeem the money to buy something with the value that would normally have gotten lost in his couch cushions or pants’ pockets.

He reached the exchange kiosk, a giant green vending machine-like contraption with a special tray for depositing a large amount of coins. Carefully, he began pouring the contents of the jar into the receptacle, watching the dollar amount go up as the coins were registered. But something was wrong; the current total was nowhere near large enough for what he was putting in. He stopped for a moment, and heard coins still sliding on metal. He looked around for a moment, thinking the machine was cheating him, before he realized there was an output tray where the majority of his change was being regurgitated back to him. All of it was pennies.

He picked up a penny and placed it back into the machine. After a moment, he heard a clink as it slid back out to the output tray, the number on the display remaining static.

After finding an employee, the man showed him the broken machine. “You see? It’s not accepting pennies.”

The employee nodded, as if he expected that. “Yeah, it doesn’t accept pennies anymore.”

The man was stunned. “Why on earth not?”

“Because pennies are no longer accepted as currency. Didn’t you hear?”

The man explained he had not. “I don’t watch the news or anything, because it’s always so depressing or boring. Sometimes both… When did that happen? HOW can that happen? Are you telling me that all my pennies are now worthless?”

The employee shrugged. “Well, as a currency… yeah. We round prices up to the nickel now, and we don’t accept or give out pennies anymore as change. It’s not like they had much value, anyways. We wouldn’t accept payment for anything in just pennies, even before the change to the law, unless the cost was well under fifty cents.”

The man grew infuriated. He couldn’t believe the government had done such a thing. All of his pennies, now worthless. That was easily the majority of the money he was trying to exchange; he could actually use quarters and dimes in purchases, so the jar mostly held pennies. “That’s outrageous! What am I supposed to do with all my pennies!?!”

The employee backed up a bit, put off by the incensed man. “I think most people just sell the coins for zinc and copper. There was a big event just a couple days ago, where people interested in buying those the raw materials set up collection stations all over.”

The man stopped before yelling again, suddenly confused. “I thought it was illegal to melt down coins? Doesn’t the government-”

“Yeah, it is. But pennies aren’t considered usable coins anymore.”

The man thought for a moment. “But… what if…”

The employee just watched the man, becoming increasingly annoyed as such an out of touch individual occupied his time. Unfortunately, he was required to help people in the store, as long as they might be purchasing something or even just using the coin exchange. Eventually, the man found his words again. “But… what if all the pennies are melted? Are they not part of history? Won’t they increase in value as fewer are left?”

“Sir… you aren’t required to turn in your pennies. It’s completely optional. I’m sure plenty of people are holding on to their own. Now, if there is anything else you need, don’t hesitate-”

The man ignored the employee’s final comments as he scooped the pennies back into the jar and rushed out of the store. Pennies were now an endangered species, as far as he was concerned. The last thing he would do is sell them for scrap metal; he was going to put the jar of pennies, after removing the other random coins, into his safe at home. In a couple years, surely they would be worth a fortune!