Encouragement - Is It Really Necessary?

I was always a good student on the honor roll, made A's and B's, and was often in the top of my class. My brother is only eleven months older than me and it didn't take long for me to pass him in school. He seemed to struggle but never had the motivation to improve his grades. He was completely fine with failing and being held back, he didn't care that I passed him up. I remember sitting at our kitchen table after school doing our homework, my mother would always hover over him, helping him and encouraging him. I also remember feeling that her encouragement and time were wasted on someone who didn't care. Occasionally I would ask my mother for help, and she would tell me that I was smart enough to figure it out on my own and that my brother needed her. I resented her for that and I found myself longing for what my brother had with our mother.

The result...

As I got older I started to realize that maybe being left to figure things out on my own wasn’t such a bad thing. My mother was completely absorbed with my brother’s shortcomings which forced me to learn to self-motivate. I learned the art encouraging myself to try new things or to get out of my comfort zone. For those of you reading this that know me, you've heard me say that I'm scatter-brained, I want to try so many things and I have the habit of putting so much on my plate that I often overwhelm myself. I don't lack encouragement, I just lack time.

As a mother...

My husband and I have always pushed and encouraged my son to be the best he can be at whatever he chooses to do in life. My son graduated from high school a year early. He decided that he wanted to join the US Army and become a combat medic. After graduation, I brought him to the recruiter's office and his father and I signed off on allowing him to serve his country at seventeen years old. His journey was a tough one but he got the scores he needed to get the medic job that he wanted, he passed all the qualifications and off to Oklahoma he went. My phone was glued to my hand for weeks because we never knew when he would be able to make a phone call. When we finally received that phone call it was to inform us that his feet had failed him and he suffered from stress fractures in both feet. He never had a problem with his flat feet before this. After a month and seventeen days, he was sent home.

The result...

He was devastated, but we gave him some time, and then sat down to talk and decide what to do next. He decided that he wanted to stay in the medical field and wanted to become an EMT and eventually a paramedic. We got him signed up for the classes but after the army, his confidence disappeared and it showed. He struggled through his classes, his father and I were constantly having to motivate him and encourage him trying to build his confidence back up. I am proud to say that he is officially an EMT he found his way and he is doing great and our words of encouragement were not wasted.

The difference...

There's no way that I can compare myself to my son. In my way of looking at things, I grew up with no encouragement from my parents and I learned to rely on myself. I tried many things and I failed many times but I always picked myself up and kept moving forward. I never lost my confidence. I knew I could do it, I just had to find another way. On the other hand, my son grew up with loads of encouragement and upon his first failure, his confidence was lost. It wasn't until he passed his practicals that he finally started to regain his confidence. I wonder if my mother would have encouraged me more if things would have been different, even though her encouragement did nothing for my brother. My son did better with positive encouragement but still buckled the first time he fell. I'm not saying that the only factor in these outcomes is the encouragement but it is a factor and I believe it does help in molding who we will become and how we will handle the challenges of life.

As an adult...

I will never know the difference that my mother’s encouragement may have made in my life, but I am fully aware that I would not be the person I am today, had she not pushed me aside and left me to my own devices. Things are different now that I am adult, and it may have taken me forty years to realize this, but I know now that I do need the occasional word of encouragement. I've been dealing with some very difficult things lately and find myself feeling that like young girl longing for her mother’s encouragement again. Usually when I feel this way I retreat and I disappear and I try to deal with my problems the only way I know how - alone. But Saturday evening, I was having a conversation with two of my very close friends, and I decided to open up and let them know that I was feeling this way and I expressed to them why I was feeling this way. The love and encouragement that they showed me was uplifting and it showed me, that no matter how strong we think we are, there are times when we need to lean on those who love us, they're words can make a world of difference and I feel like I can conquer this demon, knowing that they are standing on side of me cheering me on and encouraging me to do what I need to do.