The heart is a delicate thing - Expectations : a Drop in the Ocean Post
Expectation is the root of all heartache ~ William Shakespeare
By the time I was twelve years old, I had planned out my life until age 30. I knew what my destination was, and so I worked backwards to determine a timeline that would set me on that course. When I set my mind on something, I rarely divert. If life had followed my roadmap, age 30 would have looked exactly as I had planned.
Instead of pursuing my career, I chose to take a detour. I haven't regretted that decision for one moment. Those two blue lines became the center of my focus. I was no longer marching to the beat of my own drum, but rather to the fluttering little heartbeat inside my womb.
Have you ever had a dream that was merely seconds long - but seemed to be an epic tale of a detailed life? It seems impossible to experience such a feeling of life's fullness in those moments, but the brain is quite the mystery. It can stretch time and bend it in unusual ways that go beyond our understanding.
In the same way, the moment that I realized I was a mother of a little boy - my brain projected a new roadmap that looked deep into the future with me happily pushing a grandchild on a swing. I could feel the sun, smell the freshly cut grass, and hear the infectious sounds of my giggling grandchild begging me to push the swing higher. In the very next second, I was sucked back to the present, but not before seeing all the flashes of not-yet-formed memories that would build our way to that faraway moment. I traveled backwards in time over my son's life - in a flash - passing by birth of grandchild, wedding of son, his engagement, his college graduation, his high school sweetheart, sports league, first day of his kindergarten, his first steps, cutting of his first tooth, his birth, two blue lines.
My hand instinctively covered my flat stomach. It didn't matter that my belly had not yet begun to bulge with the growth of our child. It made no difference that I couldn't feel him yet. He was there, and I expected great things for the two of us.
Years later, my heart would break time and time again with countless detours. Realizing that my roadmap had been abandoned in a trash can, and burned to ashes, I would repeat the words that a dear friend used to comfort and console this momma's heart.
"I know it hurts. It always hurts. You can still move forward, but you need to manage your expectations."
And so, I do.
Image sources
Expecting - original, edited by @dreemsteem
Love your post on how you related detours to life. I used to have dreams too and when my little princesses came along, the destination no longer mattered, I had to turn off the road and drive through the bush... Still driving at this point and am excited to see what the future holds.
hehehehe yes - that's the way I saw it too @alvinauh! I was happy to hit those bumpy roads for the sake of my treasures!!! :)
someday - all those detours will finally have us back on a nice smooth road... someday :)
thanks for your comment!!! :) I appreciate it hehehe
(oops! wrong account! hahahahaha I am currently writing a post for the Welcome Wagon! LOL
this is @dreemsteem hahahaha)
Hey @dreemsteem,
Expectations is such a sad topic. ;)
Thank you for sharing how one whole lifetime worth of expectations rolled itself out in your mind's eye with those simple two blue lines.
Bless you, Hugzzz and Thank you for sharing.
Hey @angelacs! yes - you know you would think that expectations would be good! but all of our posts had to do with disapointment! hehehe
no - actually - all of us except for one of us! hehehehe one had very high expectations :)
thank you for the hugs!!! they feel so appreciated today hehehe
The best laid plans eh?? Life throws us some curve balls doesn't it. Hugs to you :)
thank you Andygirl ;) yes!!! that was my quote for our WW post last night hahahaha you and me and monch are all on the same wavelength with quotes!
i'm learning how to hit those curve balls back... and wayyyyyyyyy out of the ball field hehehhe
HUGS BACK :)
Thank you my friend ♥️ I agree! They say it's darkest before the dawn.. right? :)
I have hope and faith that it will all be good. 🤗
Been there again and again. One may have a plan but It's like going into an unknown destination, you may take a short detour but the current tends to drag you a back into a certain direction or destiny.
yes.... deep sigh
Life was simpler as a child. hehehehe
but life is good now :) Just need to start counting my blessings and I'm back into the heart of gratitude :)
At loss for words, and wondering if offering a hug might be too forward, and so with a kind thought I keep moving along .
Have a blessed week.
awwww :) I love hugs. i will accept it with gratitude :)
thank you - and you have a blessed week as well!
I am literally blown away by this. I loved every single sentence because I can relate to some parts of it while the rest just made my heart melt.
Yes.... i shed a few tears throughout it. but.... deep breath baby steps forward
hope to see you today at dito :) i actually get to host it today!
Wise words. Not easy words. And they are just words. Words that don't heal, or change a circumstance. Just an acceptance of what is happening and an acceptance that you can't change it.
I suppose some comfort does come from admitting something is painful. I just wish there was a magic wand, an ointment, a pill, a something that would take the pain part away or make the story different.
I am sorry your heart hurts. I know how it feels.
I wish that there were as well.
I know you know exactly how it feels friend. The joy does still come though.... we just need to capture those moments and stretch them out as long as we can to carry us through the sad times! :)
or at least try ;)
Oh man, expectations. I struggle with these, always setting them too high for myself. I try not to have expectations from life, anymore, or from others, but I fall into the trap sometimes. Yes, motherhood changes everything. 💖
Yeah - we talked about this today on the Drop In the Ocean show.... about how it's kinda like lending out money. When I lend out money - I always lend out money that won't hurt me - if its not returned.
My expectation is.... this money is gone. If it comes back - great. If not - I didn't expect anything in return.
It's kinda like that with our hearts too, isn't it? Just give carefully, wisely... but don't be waiting in anticipation for the receiving. lol it might not come. but if we can give without that... without becoming a doormat... how much happier we will be!
well, my math isnt really good so i wasnt able to draft how my life will be at 30 at age 12.
but this post does speak to me, should i avoid, should i embrace it. what happens if life took a change ? what happens if you took the road not taken? what if its the ither way round? a woman who always want a family ended up as a career woman because she did not meet the one? what if life took her to a degree she can nvr imagine? like me? i use to plan, but it has come to a point where i dont know what to expect in the next 5 years, I can plan, but i know somehow, life will take me to different places
Those are such big questions! And it's good to make a plan, but also good to be flexible :)
When your life begins to unfold - you should be grateful for the blessings, and learn through the hardships... but remember that time passes and things change.
Good and bad... they both come and go :)
Thanks for your visit to my page! I appreciate comments like yours! :)