7-4-2017 3:30am Dream
Alien Visitation Dream
Had a dream I was with the family and I think it was back at the Fresno home.
There was a mom or sibling, my two younger sisters and one other sibling. We were in the house when we knew the aliens were coming. We were trying to close up the place but my two sisters ran outside the house or something to leave. I tried to get them to come back in and only the older of the two came back; the youngest had disappeared.
It turns out the older wasn’t actually my biological sister but someone we had adopted a long time ago. It was really scary and becoming more so, and my mom and sister were out of their mind in not knowing what to do. My sister wanted to leave the house again and run away and I retorted for her not to and to stay with us.
I told them to feel my heart how scared I was, I wanted them to know what I was feeling.
They had to know so that they’d know that even though I was in active hunker down and prepare mode that I was still just as scared as they. I remember thinking to them that this wasn’t the first for me. I’d been through this before and it had been a while but I stated "they’re coming back" (the aliens).
I was fighting with my family members about how it important it was we stay together in the house and not run away like my sister wanted. I was saying all this in conjunction with alluding that we were gonna have to go locate the youngest sister.
The me watching the dream knew she wasn’t totally far (even though I didn’t know where she was) and this knowledge was how the me in the dream was remaining grounded in staying together and getting youngest sister. At the same time though because I pulled (strength) from the me watching the dream I realized I was in a dream. And the me watching the dream was like “holy shit, this is way too scary, why am i watching it”.
That was when I left by waking and instantly I was mad because after all that I said to my sister about staying together I still left them. I was also really disappointed because instead of dealing with the situation I ran from it by waking.
As I reflected I was feeling really lonely, different and isolated by comparing my inexperienced life to all those folks at the bbq. They interact with each other much and I stay distant so I question myself and my worthiness. They talk freely and I remain fairly silent. I just don’t know what to do. Why have I always been distant and unable to do stuff when they, and all the other people around me clearly are doing stuff together.
But then I realized something; if they are truly at peace and connective how come their communities are so insular and why do they only becoming so sharing within that community. How come each one sets up various levels of connection and openness even between the various folks in that community. Like [guy 1] does more with his current primary partner than than what he does with [lady 1] or [guy 2] (perhaps) who were sitting with us at the bbq.
This made me compare [guy 1’s] painful background from mine, which got me again on the question of suicide and why they respond the way they do to people talking about it. So if they're building insular communities they're actually still hiding. And if they’re hiding maybe there’s something about the grander human community they’re struggling with. That struggle is probably where the suicidal repression lies, because then unlike me theirs (suicidal ideation) is much more real and closer to the skirt, which is why they get angry.
From this I vocalized -
I just want to write about the experience sooo detailed and truthfully that the humanity of it can be seen and accepted by ANYONE who reads it. So open and raw that even the hardest core klansman would listen in acknowledgement of similarity, understanding & acceptance.