Thanks for the commentary, very interesting. I do have a secret that I only keep it for myself - I'm in touch with my ex. Can this be it?

This is very possible and not a secret. Everyone is not created perfect. There are advantages and disadvantages. The lack of your partner at the moment can make you angry and fight with him. In addition, if you feel uncomfortable or happy with the current relationship. This also makes you compelled to remember good and happy times. It could be that happy moments with your ex-lover can be the answer. Our conscious mind tries to find our greatest answers and desires. Maybe dreaming of good times about ex can make you happier, than facing the current relationship you are living.
Thanks for this My Teacher @nomad-magus