Domestic Violence Must Stop At All Levels, Contributed by @gloglo

Watching the news this morning I came across a very important issue about President Trump's staff secretary, Rob Porter, who resigned on Wednesday from the white house after his two ex-wives accused him of physically and verbally abusing them. According to the news on CNN, the first wife Colbie Holderness was pictured having a black eye from the abuse she got from Rob Porter.

source : Colbie Holderness in black eye

He was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive and that is why I left.

Jennifer Willoughby, also reported how her ex-husband, Rob Porter, abused her and on one occasion drew her out of the bathroom naked, and yelling at her during the time of their marriage read more.

It appears to me that the most amazing thing about this whole thing is that the accused, Rob Porter, is someone that is seen as a peace-loving​ man in the white house. People could vouch for his integrity. It might be more appropriate to say that Porter's hard work and good name at the white house made it impossible for people to believe he actually took advantage of these two women.

John Kelly, Chief of Staff, had these to say :

Rob Porter is a man of true integrity and honor, and I can't say enough good things about him. He is a friend, a confidante, and a trusted professional. I am proud to serve alongside him.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders also had her comments: I have worked directly with Rob Porter nearly every day for the last year and the person I know is someone of the highest integrity and exemplary character. Those of us who have the privilege of knowing him are better people because of it.

Porter has however called the whole allegations false; but my question is this, how possible is it that two women could possibly come up with the same accusations against one man?

My observation so far

I think domestic violence is very serious, and nobody, especially women, should suffer it. I feel that this is a critical case judging from the person Porter is on the outside, versus the person he is in his home. Since he was admired in the workplace, it became difficult for people to see from the victims' angle, but we can we judge a book by its cover?

source

From the blog post Jennifer Willoughby made about her marriage on the 24th of April 2016, though did not mention the name of her Ex-husband, he still called her to take it down. My question is if he was truly​ innocent of the whole allegations against them, why tell her to take down the post.

The first time he called me a 'f*****g bitch' was on our honeymoon. (I found out years later he had kicked his first wife on theirs.) A month later he physically prevented me from leaving the house. Less than two months after that, I filed a protective order with the police because he punched in the glass on our front door while I was locked inside. We bought a house to make up for it. Just after our one year anniversary, he pulled me, naked and dripping, from the shower to yell at me.

Everyone loved him. People commented all the time how lucky I was. Strangers complimented him to me every time we went out. But in my home, the abuse was insidious. The threats were personal. The terror was real. And yet I stayed.
When I tried to get help, I was counseled to consider carefully how what I said might affect his career. And so I kept my mouth shut and stayed. I was told, yes, he was deeply flawed, but then again so was I. And so I worked on myself and stayed. If he was a monster all the time, perhaps it would have been easier to leave. But he could be kind and sensitive. And so I stayed. He cried and apologized. And so I stayed. He offered to get help and even went to a few counseling sessions and therapy groups. And so I stayed. He belittled my intelligence and destroyed my confidence. And so I stayed. I felt ashamed and trapped. And so I stayed. Friends and clergy didn't believe me. And so I stayed. I was pregnant. And so I stayed. I lost the pregnancy and became depressed. And so I stayed.

Abuse is indifferent to education level, socio-economic status, race, age, or gender. And no one can ever know the dynamics of another's relationship. My cycle continued for four more years. Afterward, I let go and welcomed the hard work of healing and forgiveness. My experience made me stronger and able to love more deeply. But my heart breaks for him. In the end, who is the real victim of his choices?

soiurce

Conclusion.

I am not here to condemn any of these people but am going to make one thing clear. Domestic violence or any form of abuse is not something that should be taken lightly. A man might appear good to people out there but no one knows what goes down behind closed doors. As a matter of fact, ​these abusers appear as the nicest of husbands to everyone out there.

I believe that by now we all are familiar with abuse and what it does to people. The truth is that this issue still lingers and some people seem not to take it seriously. These victims do not only suffer the pains inflicted on them by their partners physically and emotionally, but the excruciating pain of it all comes from them not being taken seriously. It is either that they made it up, or they want to destroy the man's reputation; but I still ask, do you know what goes on behind closed doors?

However, it takes a brave woman to come out to say "Hey, I have been going through a lot for some time now, I have been abused!" I mean, it is really hard and tough to actually make that decision. Hence, these women should not be made to regret speaking up.

Domestic violence is bad to the society and when it concerns people that we hold high regard for, it is always a difficult one. I wonder, if the head rots, how would the rest of the body cope? No man should be a wife beater because it does not in any way make that man any stronger. Domestic violence and abuse is dehumanizing and should be stopped at all levels Victims should be listened to when they tell their stories. Proper Investigations should be carried out before any assumptions can be made.

Every human deserves respect and love, no one is to bear the brunt of the hate and frustration we have harbored over so many years. Marriage is sacred and should be kept so. Wife beating is not a measure of showing masculinity, it is a form of weakness. Every human deserves a good life and no one should deprive the other of happiness. Starting today, say no to domestic violence and abuse.

References:
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