Preparing to Say Goodbye

After battling and doing everything possible to combat dementia and Degenerative Myelopathy for the past several months, it has reached a point where things just aren’t going to be getting better. My girl Bindi is now just existing with frustration and that just isn’t fair. So she will be leaving my side in the next 48 hours or so. Just have to schedule it.

She has been the most wonderful companion to walk along side me in this complex journey of life. I’m saddened to see time ravage her to this point but grateful that she had 16 years to share her life and love with me.

She chose me almost 16 years back and I couldn’t be more grateful. She taught me to love, laugh, and live deeper than I ever thought could be possible. I wish she could stay here forever as she’s one of the most perfect and beautiful things I’ve ever come across. It scares me to think of how my life will be without her by my side. It saddens me to think of a world without my Bindi. This world needs more beauty and love in it and sadly, it’s losing a powerful asset.

I’m beside myself and wonder when the tears will end. If the prior losses of her brothers are any indication, then I guess they will always be there. Rushing over me like powerful waves to remind me of the impact they made on my life.

I know in time, I’ll be able to think positively about her...just as I do with her brothers who journeyed on ahead already. But it’ll take time to learn how to live with these wounds and to think of the healthy and good days instead of focusing so heavily on the complex final ones. These next couple of days are going to be tough and I wouldn’t wish the emptiness and numb feeling that’s trapped inside of me on my worst enemy.

I love you Bindi girl. I’m sorry that our time has to come to an end. I’m sorry you couldn’t spend your last days in your golden years scarfing down tasty grub while running on strong legs. Soon you’ll be able to run free. I hope you’ll visit me in my dreams and that we can still have the occasional adventure together through them. I hope that one day, we will see each other again in some form of existence. I hope I gave you a good life full of joy and love. I hope you know just how much you’ll be missed...