A friend gave me the book, "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" for my birthday. I found the message in this book so incredibly powerful, that I had to share it with you! It also includes a lot of statistics and facts that I did not know, and I thought I knew everything, ha! I think this should be a required book for all to read to better understand how to be in a love relationship.
Over 10 million copies of this book have been sold, and it's been translated into 50 languages! Clearly, I am not the only one moved by this book. So what is it all about? Let me give you a brief synopsis...
First of all, it introduces the concept of having a love tank, and it needs to be filled by your partner with the type of love you need. You can be on empty if you are receiving the wrong love language, and then become upset with each other, and I think this is a huge reason for the number of divorces in the world, as we just don't know how to understand each other.
In order to start learning better ways to communicate our love, the 5 love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Examples: telling your partner you love them or that they look beautiful
Example: Sitting down for 15 minutes to talk and connect with no TV on and cell phones away
Example: Giving your partner a surprise present
Acts of Service
Examples: Doing the laundry, cleaning the house, or this could also mean being physically present for important events for the other
Example: Hugs, holding hands, back rubs, kissing, or naked time :)
As a real life example, there might be a husband that thinks he’s doing everything he can to show his wife that he loves her; he’s doing the dishes every day, cooking dinner, taking out the garbage, etc. However, every day she’s complaining to him, as Acts of Service (as he’s doing) is clearly not her primary love language. Hers might be Words of Affirmation, and the husband never tells her she looks gorgeous or that he appreciates her kindness.
If you are not sure right away what your partner’s love language is, it’s usually what they complain about the most!
Also, without the primary love language being fulfilled, the others wouldn’t exist. So for example, one might assume the man’s main love language is Physical Touch, but if you spoke no Words of Affirmation to him, and only pointed out what bothered you and his flaws, over time, he may not want your touch. Thus Words of Affirmation would be his primary love language, and not Physical Touch.
It’s a choice to want to make your significant other happy and feel loved. It might be uncomfortable to start incorporating your partner’s love language into your life; but making the choice to do so can really shift your relationship into the right direction.
I want to add that these concepts can be applied towards friend and family relationships too. For example, maybe your mom really loves spending time with you (Quality Time is her primary love language), but you only send her cards and don’t take the time to go visit her. Or maybe you have a friend that just loves presents (Receiving Gifts is her primary love language), but you are always showing up empty handed to her birthday parties. These are just some things to think about to make yourself a better partner in any relationship.
And lastly, READ THE BOOK! The words are incredibly powerful, and it’s a fast and fun page-turner. This is a very brief description, but the real pages really explain it!
Book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Author: Gary Chapman
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