The Centipede Stacker Insult

This method of insult is designed to only be slightly bothersome. It becomes a stacker insult because the insults are in segments, like a centipede. If a centipede was only made of one segment and one pair of legs, it wouldn’t be nearly as bothersome. The Centipede Stacker insult is designed to take someone away from what they are doing, and to refocus the victim on a different task that instead benefits the insulter, by insulting what they are doing. This example comes from an exchange between Maria Rose Calhoun’s mom and myself. 

Calhoun: Cryptroppel, what are you doing right now? 

Cryptroppel: I am working on my blog. 

Calhoun: How many people do you think will read it? I wanted to know if you wanted to help me paint the exterior of the house today. 

Cryptroppel: No. No way. 

Calhoun: Why? Why not? 

Cryptroppel: I hate painting. 

Cahoun: I will take $100 off your rent. 

Cryptroppel: No way. I wouldn’t do it for $200. 

This completes the first segment of communication. Everyone knows I want my blogs to make Cryptroppel the number one source for both human and robot reading. In asking me how many people I think will read it, she is making the assumption (insult) few will read it, therefore, it is not a good use of my time and that painting her house would be a better use of my time. Therefore, I should stop blogging, and start painting. It bugged me only slightly. No pun intended. 

Some time had passed and I had finished my blog. As I did my laundry, the second segment of the Centipede Stacker Insult materialized. 

Calhoun: Didn’t you just do laundry? 

Cryptroppel: A few days ago. 

Calhoun: Are you doing a big load? 

Cryptroppel: Not really. I need clothes. 

Calhoun: Make sure you don’t do small loads because it wastes water. 

Cryptroppel: I don’t have that many clothes. Especially socks and underwear. I told you they were stolen out of the dryer by my last roommate, remember? 

Calhoun: It is better to do larger loads to save water. 

Cryptroppel: I know. 

This completes the second segment. Instead of doing my laundry which I thought would be a great idea since I was out of underwear, socks, and shirts, Maria Rose Calhoun’s mom made it seem like it was a bad idea, a waste of water, and a strain on her finances. If she can prove what I am doing is not as good as painting the house, my only logical choice would be to paint the house with her. 

The third and final segment of the Centipede Stacker Insult begins sometime after the second segment. 

Calhoun: I wanted to paint the low areas of the house, then have you paint the higher parts. You would just need to do the higher parts. Why can’t you just put on some grubbies (old clothes) and help me out for a little bit? 

(This question would not normally be an insult. But you can see that she has been working on me for hours to paint the house with her, which makes it an insult (stacker insult) because the insult segments combine together for a greater insult punch than the separate segments would have alone.)

Cryptroppel: I don’t have clothes that I can get paint on. I am short on clothes. 

The Centipede Stacker Insult was shut down. I spend thousands of dollars in a year helping criminals of all types. I have a long history of being more helpful to the attractive ones like Maria Rose Calhoun and her lovely mom. I just really hate to paint. I would rather blog in clean clothes that don’t have paint on them, then paint.

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