Methods to stop the cycle of Sorrow #Depression

Hello everyone,

to start off, I will tell you more and more about my life in each of my posts.

This is for the purpose of giving you insight on how my depression developed and how it changed over time. What I want to focus on today are triggers for depressive symptoms. (For minor depression mainly. Some of these methods are not suited for someone who is suicidal! If you are in that state please seek out the help of a professional Therapist!) For that purpose knowing the origin of the depression itself and the origin of triggers is important. If you know what triggers your depressive symptoms you can counter those symptoms with different methods.

So here is the first part of my life, that I will be sharing with all of you.

I was born in the US in California, I have no recollection of that portion of my life. We moved to germany when I was about 4 years old, so I do not remember much about my first months in germany. I grew up in germany, but did not stay in the same place for a long period of time. While I grew up there was one thing I was taught over and over again and that was „family is the most important thing in the world“ I was also told sentences like „blood is thicker than water“, „take care of your siblings and mother“
( You will read in a moment why I wrote mother and not father).

A lot of people grow up hearing similar sentences, which normally do not cause alot of harm, depending on the frequency of hearing it and the development the family goes through. The reason I mention the frequency is because I heard those sentences from my father on a regular basis. For me personally it was very harmful, I started thinking it was my responsibility to hold the family together and to take care of them. (I heard those sentences since I can remember which is about when I was 5 or 6 years old)

By now you probably guessed that the origin of my depression was family and you are correct. This resulted in other problems aswell: fear of loss, insecurity, self disappointment aswell as feeling weak, since for a child upholding a family is an impossible task.
As a gradeschooler my life was still pretty normal, even if the sentences that I mentioned above, started at that age. My family was still quite intact, just frequent arguments between my parents about how to raise the kids, but nothing big.

In 2001 we moved to a different city in germany, I lost my friends and we moved away from my family (my mothers side) that I was very close with. It was a rougher environment with how kids interacted with each other. The worst part though was my parents having bigger fights and me feeling the need to uphold „my job“ of keeping the family together. (That is what my brain made out of all those sentences mentioned above)

Due to that, alot of my triggers were connected to family issues later on in life:
• If I had a fight with a family member
• If I couldn’t see a family member for a long time
• If someone in the family got sick
• Or if I even lost contact to a family member
• Sometimes even family members dying whom I grew up with knowing

What really helped me in those moments (which I learned later on from a therapist) was distracting my mind, that helped alot. The purpose of the distraction was to break the depressive cycle of downing myself and wallowing in sorrow, which mostly ended up in isolation if I wasn’t able to stop it.

Methods of distraction are different for each individual but what works best (according to one of my therapists) is what adresses our senses:

• A strong smell
• A complete change of scenery
• A strong taste (sour or spicy)

To be honest, for me those methods did not work well, but like I stated before everyone is different, which is why I wanted to include it in this post.
The distractions that worked best for me personally were activities that I like. What is most important, is to do things, that do not remind you of triggers. Occupy your mind with positive things.

• Singing (no depressive songs, good uplifting songs)
• Doing sports
• Writing poetry (nobody needs to read it, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s just for you, take it easy.)
• Listening to music (no depressive songs or songs that remind you of your triggers. Instead listen to songs that are connected to joyous events or people in your life)

Another method, not connected to distraction, is a form of venting. It was very helpful for me personally, which may also suit some of you or your friends and family:

Writing
Write about what you are thinking and feeling. Do not just write it down as if you were trying to write a report of some sort, write it down with the thought of transferring your pain, sadness or sorrow onto the piece of paper. Let the emotions go from your mind and heart onto the paper.

Talking
Talking to friends, family or a therapist might help you. The most important part about talking is being absolutely certain you can not only trust this person but also be able to completely open up to them.

Especially if you seek the help of a therapist you should search until you find someone you feel comfortable with. Not every therapist is right for you. If you are not able to trust them and open up to them about your situation,(how you are feeling and what you have experienced) that therapist will be unable to help you.
Of course you cannot judge a therapist at first glance. What I did was listen to my feelings. If the therapist felt „familiar“ or had a warm feeling about them, I gave them a chance. I have had about 6 or 7 therapists in total. I did not stay with all of them for a longer period of time. The amount of the therapists that actually helped me, amount up to 3, so do not get discouraged. If you do not feel comfortable with the therapist, do not continue to go to him/her, it will not help.

When you talk to friends or family, make sure that you tell them right away to let you know if it’s getting to much. If you overburden them, you could end up getting hurt or lose them. Don‘t assume that you are overburdening them, speak clearly with that person! Do not get scared of losing them, tell them openly to let you know when it’s too much. Also make sure to inform them to state everything clearly. For example, if it‘s just too much for them on that day, at that moment or in general. Leave no place for misunderstandings. Explain to them, that it is to protect them and yourself from getting hurt or losing the relationship you have with them.

All of these methods require you to do the first step and take action. You are taking control of the situation and changing how you feel either by venting or distracting. After a while the fact of you being in control of the situation (the more often you break the cycle) might improve your self esteem.

Often in life and also with depression we feel powerless, which just adds to the struggle. Do not give in to that feeling, you are not powerless, you are capable of breaking the cycle of becoming more pessimistic and falling farther down into sorrow. You can do it, try the methods, find the best way for yourself. If none of these methods work for you, try doing something you love, yes you probably won’t be in the mood for it, but all these methods require you to take action. Even if you do not feel in the mood to do something you love, force yourself to do it. (If you have multiple things you love to do, take the one that you are most comfortable with doing at that moment.)

This post has turned out a bit longer than I expected it to be, but I wanted to make sure that I explain everything clearly. I will be writing more in the future and I really appreciate all of you reading this.
I wasn’t quite sure at first where to start, but I looked back and thought about what would be most important to help someone with depression help themselves. Later on I will write about different things, but firstly I believe it is important to help stop the symptoms or at least lessen them.

Stay strong, there are people that believe in you. If you are someone who knows someone with depression, even if this post was mostly directed at people suffering from depression, you can also share this information with the person who has depression to help them. And yes, also friends and family who want to help have to stay strong.

If any of you have any methods that I didn’t mention, that helped you, feel free to share them in the comments, thank you. Of course you can feel free to ask questions as well.

I wish all of you alot of energy and endurance.