Guilt during depression and examples of situations that lead to guilt

Hello everyone,

right now I am focusing on helping others to understand depression. A huge burden during depression is feeling guilt. It can stem from different sources, it could be a past regret that affected others lives, it could be a bad choice someone made because of a recommendation you once gave them. The guilt can range from a small incident up to a life changing event, which leaves us feeling responsible for the outcome of someones life.

As I have mentioned before, depression is an illness with symptoms that feed each other. Our perception for our mistakes and their magnitudes are distorted. We think worse about ourselves than we truely are. These symptoms feed the guilt during depression as well. If for example, you feel guilty because you once told a friend to try to fix their relationship and not give up on it easily, but she / he ended up suffering more in the end, then you might feel guilty. If you have depression and are already downing yourself, then while thinking back on this incident (maybe you even gave them that advice during your own depression), you not only feel responsible for her / his suffering before the relationship ended, but you also might end up feeling responsible for their future happiness. In turn you will tell youself you are at fault, that the friend not only suffered but maybe has trust issues now or wants to stay alone for the rest of her / his life. You will burden yourself with trying to make sure they are either happy on their own, or finding a better partner.

Guilt will definetly amplify self hate, if self hate is already there, but it can also cause self hate and belittleling of oneself, if this isn’t the case.

We should definetly keep in mind how vast depression is, I have already mentioned that there are many types and magnitudes of depression. BUT, we must never forget individuality! Every person experiences sicknesses, illnesses, pain and emotions differently. There are some aspects that a lot of people have in common, but everyone has symptoms that are different for them personally compared to others. Emotional attachments have different magnitudes and backgrounds for each individual as well.

Often people who share the same problems, get together and spent time together, it can be as friends, as lovers, partners, or just people suffering from the same problem. This can be a good thing, or it can go horribly wrong. I have witnessed people spending time together, in the psychosomatic clinic I was in, doing nothing other than competing about who was more depressed and whos symptoms were the worst. They were not only competing, they were also downplaying the other patients emotions and problems. They ignored the individual aspect of each person. But on the contrary I have also witnessed and been part of people getting together to help each other. We listened, we talked and we tried to empathize with the others to understand their pain and emotions. When we weren’t clear how severe it was, we respectfully asked if the person could explain their point of view and emotions in more detail. Generally speaking it is not a bad thing for depressed people to spend time together, if they help each other. But the moment it turns into a competition, those people should stop spending time together. When this stage has been reached, suffering will be the only thing that follows for everyone who is involved. If this happens, they lose focus of what is impotant and focus soley on their sorrow.

Situations of people with the same problems getting together can also end in guilt, in horrible guilt even. As a lot of people already know, the worst consequence of depression, is suicide. If a depressed person for example tries to help someone else who is majorly depressed and even suicidal, but fails, it can end in a horrible downward spiral. The person who failed to help, will probably (since that person is already depressed) blame themselves for the others suicide, this can lead to the suicide of the one who failed to help. They will not be able to see that they did their best, despite not being able to help, they did everything they could. Sometimes a person is already so far off, that they can not be saved by anyone who is not trained to deal with such situations. In some cases, by the time we realize someone is suicidal, it is already too late.

(I will sidetrack a bit to adress this situation of feeling guilty for not being able to save a suicide victim)
Peoples paths in life may cross, but it is always for a limited amount of time. Our paths may be aligned for a moment in time, but they can also part. Sometimes our paths may cross again later in life, sometimes they don’t. I am telling you all this, because we need to understand, that what we can change about another persons life is limited. Some people we can save before it even gets to the point of suicide, some we can’t. It does not mean we have failed, it does not mean we are responsible for their death and it doesn’t mean we weren’t good enough. Your feelings to help or save that person are genuine and come from the heart, and I am sure that the person who took their life felt it, even if they might not have realized the magnitude of your intentions and feelings. Do not blame yourself, there is only so much we can do, but if you feel guilty about it, I am sure you genuinely cared about that person. Try to take a different perspective, maybe you were one of the reasons that person held on to life so long, despite the pain that turned to torment and caused such a sorrowful ending.

Guilt can change us in a negative way.
Guilt is extremely dangerous, it’s destructive.
Guilt can even kill us.

That is why we need to asess the situation for ourselves and find out the true magnitude of our guilt, is it really our fault? How big was the role we played it what transpired? If the person is still around and you can contact them, be honest with yourself and them. Talk to them honestly and tell them how you feel, how much you regret your actions or words, how much it hurt you, that you hurt them and that you feel guilty about it.

We are often afraid of the consequences, but mostly our own guilt is worse than the true backlash of our actions and words. We are often afraid of taking responsibility for our mistakes, being unable to apologize and being afraid of facing the person we have hurt. But we often forget that we grow with every mistake we make and we are only able to grow, if we take responsibility for our actions. The person hurt has every right to be angry, sad or even hate us, depending on what we did. But we can only better ourselves if we acknowledge what we have done. Do not be afraid to become a better person!

I wish you all the courage to sort out your guilt and grow as a person!
Have a wonderful day everyone.
It takes courage to do the right thing, it is easy to turn your back on your mistakes! Don’t take the easy way out! 😉