I cried my self to sleep tonight. March 3/4/18. 02:55

in depression •  last year 

Dear diary

I  guess being strong and holding sooo much in , for a long period of time has a breaking point . I told my self its ok to cry, its ok to be weak, to be human, and that is when I burst out with the ugliest cry ever..everything that I have been holding in came flashing and I let the river of tears and emotions over flow.

In moments like these, i feel stuck in the same place for years, not making reasonable progress. . seems the more I try, something else happens and keeps pulling me back. A lot is expected of me, I am supposed to be the pillar for my self, parents and siblings. But how can I do so if I am struggling to hold my self together?

Everybody else my age seems to be living THE LIFE. Am I a failure? Nooo, God forbid! I must never think of my self that way, long as I am breathing, I have a new chance to make my tomorrow better.

But when will my tomorrow actually be better? Must life be a battle like this?
Well, I am already in the battle field, without any physical shield but the armour of God.

I am not the one that prays everyday and goes to church every Sunday, but I know he loves me still. He always shows up for me when all Hope seems lost and gone. I will continue holding on to his love and promises for me..

It's a brand new month, I have set goals for my self. Difficult ones, so HELP ME GOD.
This battle is meant for me and must be fought. He knows am equal to the task, that is why he has placed me where I am.

Just my waayyy past midnight thoughts.

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Just keep going! Everyday in life way encounter problems but what matter most is how we gonna deal with it!

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All you beautiful people that commented on this post, you are awesome, its humbling to know that someone, a total stranger can take out time to lift you up at your weakest state. Thank u soo much, my heart is full. You are the real champ the
@febradaytamarra

Awww Maggie 😥😥😥 surely your struggles will soon be over. Just keep fighting.

Hello @purpletanzanite
I hope you are feeling better.
You're a wonderful human
You have the best team in the world to challenge adversity
You have you and God

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Thank u @teardrops, And all you beautiful people that commented on this post, you are awesome, its humbling to know that someone, a total stranger can take out time to lift you up at your weakest state. Thank u soo much, my heart is full. You are the real champs.

whenever problems come just remember James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

  ·  last year (edited)

Dear @purpletanzanite, i'm glad that in the midst of all, you recognize strength still, the greatest of all strength, in God! I'd rather you thought of the situation like this:

"Since i've been in this spot too long, let me screen my plans and change strategies... Let me overturn and start afresh. And all those things i've thought i can't do, well, let them expect incoming... I'm trying them all out.. I need to be brave and bully my way to success. My peers think they have arrived, they should wait until they've seen me stun the world in a little time. I'm the best there is, i'm beautiful and strong. If i can't afford what i need, i'll get innovative, if it doesn't exist, i'll create it! I'm the best of my kind, and i'm royalty. The sun will shine on me soon, but until then, let me brace up and get ready. So help me God!"

Sorry it seems so much dear, they are words of encouragement i always give myself, and they always work. No one deserves the feeling of being beat down, but it always comes, so let your courage be greater than the fear.

Goodluck dear!

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@wakkyylyon u made me tear . i read this while screaming with a heart full of empowerment.Thank u for fuelling me up.

When you feel like you are not making progress, look at how far you have come. The little steps count too. In as hard as it may seem, try to look at your blessings and steps. Slow progress is still progress. I also would go through that but I learned it was because I was comparing myself with others and so I decided to live my life and focus on my journey. God will never let you down.