Freedom from Mental Illness - Can We Win?

in #depression3 years ago (edited)

Living life as someone who is deeply effected by mental health issues I wake up every day to a battle, it all makes me so tired sometimes. I have a range of mental health issues that include Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety, Depression and PTSD.

From the moment I wake up every day they are there like a gang of warders keeping me in this prison, they are there when I get out of bed, if I manage to get out of bed. They are there when I put on my clothes, they are there when I use the toilet, when I eat, when I talk to others, when I think, when I feel, there is no escape from them, they stand over me, watching me, keeping me in this hell in my mind from the instant I awake to the instant I fall back asleep again. Sometimes they even wake me up in my sleep, yes, they even get into my dreams.

(Scenes from "A Beautiful Mind"; Professor John Nash learns to keep his demons at distance.)

It can be said for certain that living with these monsters for years has made me a strong person, you must be a strong person to survive what they daily give to you. The worst aspect is the constant ongoing knowledge that these monsters that sap and drain every bit of positivity from my life are self-created. Looking back they may have been a product of the society, surroundings and people that I was with in my past, but today and now they are created and fuelled solely by myself, I feed them every day, I keep them alive and I keep them going. Obviously the preservation of these monsters is not a choice that I have made but simply something that I do not know how to stop from being a reality.

I have tried many times over 26 years to put an end to these monsters that live inside of me, through a wide variety of methods and attempts I have attacked them head-on, I have waged a violent and bloody war against them, I have used radical ideas and radical thinking in several attempts to banish them from my life. Over the years I have won many battles against them and they have cowered and been depleted and I have been set free, but sadly although these battles have been won, the war itself has always later been lost.

I still fight every day now, but at the age of 41, I have now been ill for 26 years, the tiredness with each passing year grows and each time I lose a battle I grow that bit more tired, I still have a lot of fight in me and I am far from needing to give up, but at times I do wonder if this war is even winnable, I have tried so many things over so long but yet they always come back to me, perhaps they will never go, perhaps they will never let me be.

I cannot allow myself to think these things for too long though, as I know the way that type of thinking will end, it can only have one outcome, and I do not want that to be the ending for me.

I do not think those without mental health issues understand what a blatant compromise your life can be when you are in this state, I know deep inside I could have been so much more, I have lived a half life with my hands tied behind my back and I have never known what it is to be truly free.

I hope that victory in this war is soon, I do not want for it all to have been for nothing.

I want to have at least some time on this planet where I know what it is to be free.

(Lighthouse Family; "I wish I knew how it would feel to be Free"; a song that gives me hope.)


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Really, @georgemason, people will get the desired freedom from psychological problems, if they have determined personally to overcome their predicament. Nobody is perfect in the world of today. We are born with imperfection. We want to achieve the best possible in personal life. We want achievement, success, and little perfection, as our personality often demands.
I believe you that, people cannot do without having an offset kind of personal life, and its negative outcomes. We can't really live as we want. We will have a personal problem of one kind or the other. The degree of a person's problem could be determined by the difficulties which they encountered along the journey of life. This problem of imperfection in our personality will make us to look around for a better life and personal enjoyment in the world of today.
I am @gboyegaogunmola. I am a writer. I am writing article on the topic "psychological aspect of man". I want people to solve personal problems, through reading my "personality literature".
I really appreciate your post. I think, when people have realised their situation of negative life, with sarcastic feeling, they will need a change of direction or situation of personal life. In such conditions of life, we may get a professional therapist to help us, or rather, we can help ourselves through accepting defeat from the negative feeling, and changing into a positive feeling as much as we can.

Thank you for your thoughts my friend :-)

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The key for me was actively practising mental Silence. Clearing my thoughts until I threw them out in the dream state, which made feel physically lighter step for step. Here I learnt that nothing can ever happen. Nothing happens against us, only for us. And nothing can control us as long as we give the consent to it. I know very well what you describe here, and mental Silence was by far most powerful. The mind can be quite chattery but with dedication and willingness without throwing in the towel when it doesn't work instantly was the best way for me in. It is not really an illness, rather a healthy and positive sign that we are waking up to the essential Truths of Life. At some point, you'll see that!

That is an interesting concept :-)
What methods do you use to achieve this state of mind?

Upvoted and Followed :-)

For me, it was really about actively surpressing my thoughts because otherwise my mind wouldn't have stopped the chatter. It doesn't happen overnight. The willingness to practise mental Silence without stress or pressure is important. It worked perfectly for me, and once you have postive results you are much more motivated and willing to do it again. I cannot emphasize th power of mental Silence enough. Walking in nature is great or anything else too, but it is really about NOT thinking and not getting distracted by incoming thoughts. :)

A powerful post! Living like that must be so difficult. I hope one day you find the freedom you seek and get to enjoy life :)

Nice post @georgemason, I understand what you are going through to some degree. I've had people in my life who have battled with this and I know how it can be a day-day struggle.

I don't know that I'm the best resource in this situation, I do know that psychaddelic use for depression/PTSD is being studied and has been studied and shown to have a very positive effect, but in the states they aren't really legal, and it definitely depends on medications and the setting you do them in. I personally took a trip to south america to work with a shaman, which I found very beneficial.

There are a few other things that might help, like diet, exercise, nature, and internal work. Not fighting, but addressing the issues. But I really don't know your personal situation so please take my advice with a grain of salt.

Hey :-) Thanks a lot for reading my post and for commenting too :-)

Yes that is very interesting I have actually read about this too, it is a very interesting concept to get to the subconscious mind, especially with something so deep rooted as PTSD, that is cool you did work with a Shaman, what did that involve if you don't mind me asking? Was it for anxiety type issues too?
There are so many non mainstream people, especially from tribal culture that understand this reality and world far greater than we do, mainstream doctors know so little and they are too arrogant to truly understand the nature of everything as they believe they know everything.

Thanks for the ideas and advice, I appreciate that, I am actually working very heavily on getting to a very healthy raw food type diet and this seems to have made some difference with other health issues too, I have always been terrible at exercise, mainly because of my anxiety in getting outside the house, but I need to improve this as in the past the effects on mental health have been fairly clear, I think this itself is a highly overlooked issue that doctors do not take seriously.

Do these sorts of things help you?

Thanks for all your comments :-)
Upvoted and Followed my friend :-)

I think anxiety issues can be relieved, there was an application process so he could make sure the ceremony and substance would be right for each individual, because there are certain mental health issues that can pose problems when taking the substances.

I stayed at a sanctuary in the Amazon rainforest for about a week, we had 3 ceremonies with Huachuma, which I think is mescaline based. There was Ayahuasca the week before, which I missed. At the end of the third ceremony we used Vilca as well. Basically these medicines work within us to relieve some of the issues we've built up. Ayahuasca is supposed to be quite healing, but can be very uncomfortable during for some people. It is taken in a dim lit room, while Huachuma is quite gentle, we were out interacting with different tribes and doing things. It's similar to muchrooms in some ways. MDMA I haven't tried, but it has clinical studies being done.

I'd suggest looking into it, I feel like psychedelics are some of the most healing substances available to us. Check out for more info, spiritquest sanctuary is where I went.

I've found relief from diet, exercise, and nature in a big way. They are my go-to's, though I need to improve on how much I was doing last year.

That sounds really interesting, people really need to look at these alternatives much more than the standard treatment route, have you had much luck with supplements? Vitamin D seems to be a huge one for mental health.

I personally take Vitamin D, a greens supplement(I use amazing grass,) a collagen protein, and then just take "superfood" supplements like maca, chia, matcha, etc. I'm the biggest believer in medicinal mushrooms. I've taken Lion's Mane, Reishi, & Cordyceps and always felt great on them. I'd suggest looking into Paul Stamets work on mushrooms, I truly think they have the power to save the world, really fascinating organisms

Please feel free to make any comments or give any feedback :-)

I am open to all opinions :-)

I will respond to anyone who comments :-)

Thanks :-)