Crossing the Golden Gate

drherhel (40)in #depression • 8 years ago (edited)

This post was originally published on May 5th, 2016 on my Medium account. Verification can be found at the end of the original post.

This week I saw the bridge patrol twice.

The first time it was in transit, the small white vehicle slowly meandering down the bridge walkway, the same vehicle that I only ever associate with jumpers. I can’t be sure what they were headed to do, maybe to pull someone off the edge. I might have imagined a person’s silhouette further down the rail, but I couldn’t shake a gut feeling that something was wrong.

The second time, I saw more than the car. As I sped by, I caught a glimpse of a man, middle-aged, wearing a sweater. He was standing on the wrong side of the Golden Gate’s reddish railing, facing Alcatraz, both hands clasped on the metal bars. I saw the bridge patrol driver stand behind the man on the other side of the railing. Onlookers stood talking further down the walkway. I turned my eyes back on the road. Then I started crying.

I don’t know what happened to that man, or whether there actually was a jumper that first time. I don’t know why the man in the sweater found himself on the other side of the railing, why he flipped himself over the ledge and stood staring out at the Bay with the wind in his face. I don’t know what the patroller said to the man, what words were used to cross over the pain held in the bars between them. I wish that I knew. I can only ever know my own pain, even though I often wish I could take other’s away.

I hope that the bridge patrol was able to help this man. I hope that he was able to be pulled back to safety, that he finds himself receiving support and mental health treatment, that he doesn’t become another number in the Golden Gate’s suicide count.

If you are out there and you are struggling, please know that there are people that care about you and want to help; family members, friends, acquaintances, even complete and utter strangers like me. Please know that there are resources out there for you. I don’t know you, and I don’t know what you have been through, but I want to tell you that you are not alone. I have struggled through dark times, when I truly believed that things would never get better. I have had times when I needed people in my life to act as my bridge patrol. We are here and we care.

Mental health is not something that should be swept under the rug, dismissed, ignored. People all around the world struggle with anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, and many other mental illnesses. Like with a physical ailment, no one with mental illness should ever be hindered in their attempts to seek assistance and medical care. I believe a major factor in shifting attention and resources to mental health care in this country starts with destigmatization. Knowing that many people around us are seeing therapists or psychiatrists, or taking medication, or struggling with personal issues and life crises is vital to breaking down barriers and creating powerful resources for those who need help. Being honest and vulnerable in our own lives is a great first step, both for ourselves, and for those who might be able to relate to the truth we are living.