Im so sorry you went through all this and you are still in stormy waters. I have upvoted this to help you with your runaway/emergency fund. What happened to you is very wrong and is something no human, especially not a child should have to deal with. Everything you feel and sense is real no matter how much anyone belittles it. Well done for having te strength and courage to write this. You will find your way out and process all these emotions in due course, whether through writing, counselling, therapy whatever. Things can only get better