Confession of a Habitual Entrepreneur: I Don't Love Money and Failing is Actually Very Painful. (Part 2)

How did we get here? Find out by reading part 1

Entrepreneur. The word conjures images of business suited investors, tech geniuses or industry titans. Trailblazers who are iron-clad in their perseverance, rags to rags to rags to riches. Not immune to failure per se but certainly less affected by it than your average bear. Hustlers that know how to make money, blood from a turnip, their eyes always finding value others missed.

Well, I'd like to add a couple descriptors to that list: Minds which see things so glaringly differently that they cannot shut their eyes tight enough to get true darkness. Humans who feel the pain of what is not working so sharply that they wriggle like children in itchy wool sweaters, and, despite incessant punishment, cannot keep quiet about the discomfort. We will not accept the lie that it is us, not the sweater, making our life difficult. We know there are softer fabrics, and we want everyone to have them. If money is a focus it isn't really just a desire for lazy days or a way to drop out of 'working'. Many of us are truly fascinated by life, never losing the excitement of discovery that comes from living in an infinite universe. Money is to us exactly what it is supposed to represent: a store of energy, a way to facilitate collaboration, similar to ATP molecules which make sure all of the pieces are moving. We like being productive, and at recess we want to play all of the games, while making sure others know they can too.

I call this a confession because I honestly feel embarrassed by how little I desire money in and of itself, and, just like most of the protagonists in my type of story, that affects other people. People I love and are already frustrated enough with the day in and day out. I am also not immune to public opinion. For one, I can't be immune because I have to collaborate to exist, no man is an island. And, secondly, I am still a human with ancient hardwires for social interaction and physical contact. I will say it is true that I have a sense of self that allows me to know I have value even when I forget to sell and find myself in the poverty that follows producing without invoicing. And, that I recognize that there is a pretty fucking big itchy sweater stealing joy from our movements. I know it is not our lack of trying that we work so hard and yet can't get the peace that thousands of years of human technology should afford us. But, knowing this doesn't mean I don't feel the frustration of it, which doubles in rainy times (the only thing more uncomfortable than wool is wet wool).

I am excited about crypto precisely because I see money for what it is, and what it could be. I think a lot about my childhood neighborhood, and how we created so many incredible projects and forts and games as a group, each contributing their unique talents and personalities. I know that that is how life operates at its base. We build things, grow things, create things. You are just as capable of feeding yourself or having a home as anyone who ever walked the earth. You are equally as capable of creating communities and sanctuaries that fulfill your desires for rest and productivity as anyone you are following- better even, because only you know what those desires really are!

As a habitual entrepreneur, if I try something and it doesn't work I try a different way. It's true that part doesn't hurt. What is painful is the thought that my failures affect others, family and friends who support me when I fall, who, like the ants in Bug's Life, have to work harder now to meet impossible deadlines. That my ability to see 'the big picture' is so pathological that I can't stop working towards it, despite the threats and realities of physical hardships. When do we decide to just get in line and feed the grasshoppers? Is it possible to turn your body's sensory receptors down so the itchy sweater has no effect? As trainable as humans are, I think we have our limits. The more we let go of not being ourselves and strive instead to see how each of us are valuable to the whole, we will find so many of our 'problems' dissolve. I can say for certain that I don't believe life is supposed to be painful, and I don't see joy as a luxury. And, as Popeye says "I yam what I yam", so I guess I'll just have to keep playing it out ;)

Photos: #1. Is from "The Woman Rebel" 1914 (give em' hell sisters)
#2: Pixars A Bug's Life 1998