"Anger" a friend who visits us from time to time.

joelgonz1982 (60)in #dclick • 6 years ago

Hello friends as we all know The anger is that old friend, known by all, capable of transforming us in a matter of seconds ... Hence, facing it is not so simple. Some people express it as they feel it, others repress it or camouflage it with pleasant words and there is even someone who transmutes it into another type of more pleasant emotion ... Anger is a complex emotion that requires a deep revision and inner reflection.

How many of us have been surprised raising the voice or how many times someone has reacted in an excessive way for something that we considered nonsense. Although it is true that at other times, we do expect a reprimand from our parents, partners, bosses or friends for something we have done wrong. Now, what is behind the anger?

I have been listening for years to friends and acquaintances to defend that expressing anger is positive, that we should let go of everything we feel to stay calm. But is this like this? Should we let the other person loose the first thing that comes to mind in any way? To get to know this emotion better, we are going to break it down thoroughly because not everything is as it seems. Let's deepen.

What is anger?

In general, we feel anger when we consider that one or other people have intentionally inflicted an offense on our personal identity. It gives us the impression of suffering a humiliation.

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Thus, it is not only about not having achieved something that we had proposed, but it requires the connotation of having suffered an insult or injury, or at least feeling it.

We can also experience anger when we observe social injustices. If we walk down the street and witness the abuse of a father or mother to their child, we can feel anger or great indignation.

Many of you will be thinking, "I know people who feel a lot of anger when the printer fails". In this case, oddly enough, there is also a process of humiliation. How is this? There are people so negative that much of what happens in their life interprets it as an attack, wherever it comes from. If the printer does not work, your thought could be something like "life is laughing at me, and now it expresses it making the printer fail".

In this way, we realize that we do not need a physical and external agent that submits us to humiliation, but that it is enough for us to interpret the intentionality of something foreign to us to get into a rage. This aspect is especially important because it makes us focus on ourselves. Do others bother us or do we bother?

Anger and ego

When we react with anger, in some way we try to safeguard or increase our self-esteem. Thus, when we feel that our ego is threatened, our response may be of anger at the situation.

If we react in anger when someone whistles at us while we are driving, we usually interpret that he is recriminating us that some of our behavior is wrong. In this way, we feel our identity threatened by thinking that our ways of being and acting are wrong.

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Anger and action

When we have reconsidered the situation, on many occasions we feel guilty because we realize that we have surpassed ourselves. In this way, guilt acts to make us reconsider on whether our reaction has been the most appropriate.

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Upon feeling attacked our personal identity we experience a great physiological activation that is accompanied by a tendency to attack the person we consider responsible for the damage. This attack can be both physical and verbal. The answer will depend on our degree of control and interpretation of the situation.

On other occasions, when the person we feel has offended us is our boss, the way to express anger may be to perform less in our job. We know that if we respond aggressively, the consequences could be worse, such as dismissal. So in situations in which we can put in danger some aspect of our life we choose to take more indirect actions.

Once we have downloaded all our anger about someone, an emotion that usually makes an appearance is the fault.

How can I handle anger

There is nothing better to begin to calm the anger than to perform a few diaphragmatic breaths, while also reflecting on whether that person whom we consider guilty of our state really intended to offend us.

On many occasions, we react because we are oversaturated by demands, perhaps because we have had a bad day and whatever excites us emotionally. Therefore, understand or at least consider the possibility that others can also have those bad days, will help us understand their ways of reacting and not take them to heart.

If our boss speaks badly about something we have done,

he could have talked to another employee in the same way, so we should not take it personally, but as a way of reacting the other person and that has caught us through.

Despite the fact that others seem to have control over our emotional states, the power over anger is in our hands. We decide if we get angry or not. Leaving something as valuable as happiness in someone else's hands is undoubtedly too high a price.

Finally, I invite you to see yourself as active agents before an injury and not as a passive person who simply reacts. The power is in your hands.