Treats in the Basement Chapter 2: IIsteemCreated with Sketch.

in dbooks •  7 months ago
One who reads such a note,
without the image of any nice young woman in a basement, may interpret such a
message as a cheeky invitation to forget about what was best for one’s health
and diet for just one day and to proceed to the basement for a delicious,
edible treat. However, one who finds themselves fantasizing about a nice young
woman in a basement, at least 6 and sometimes up to 73 times per day, may read
more deeply between the lines. The longing hope that had just emerged in Flard
was immediately squashed by his well-trained, doctoral candidate candidate
mind, which, always scanning for increased parsimony, provided the unpleasant
but logical obvious objection. “What if,” his bulging prefrontal cortex posed,
“Professor Bateman has simply brought a treat, of the more edible sort, for
us?” And so Rupert Flard took the reasonable next steps to disprove this null
hypothesis.

(html comment removed: block)“Dr. Bateman, did you write that
note? Did you bring a treat for us in the basement?”

(html comment removed: block)“Huh? Oh. No. No. That nice young
woman from the basement must have dropped it,” Bateman hypothesized. Bateman’s
hypothesis was logically sound, as one should expect of a man of his scientific
stature and long tenure of deep scholarly thought. Remembering only four
characters in his life, himself, this Flard, who obviously didn’t write the
note --- years of refined analytical logic, made that very clear to Bateman ---
the nice young woman from the basement, and Major Busey, who was rarely
present, and not much of a treat man, Bateman took his position behind what
seemed like the only reasonable choice.

(html comment removed: block)Rupert Flard’s heart leaped, hope
and longing fully restored. 

(html comment removed: block)However, it was Bateman who had written the note. As a kind gesture to the nice
young woman in the basement who had landed him his most recent grant, Bateman
decided to bring a treat for her to the basement. The early morning hours, now
completely erased from his memory, consisted of Bateman making his decision, arriving
at his office in the Institute for Technically Good Science, beginning to write
his note, “There is a treat for you in the basement ; Devil’s food cake
awaits.”, realizing that he had forgotten to bring the Devil’s food cake when he
had reached “There is a treat for you in the basement ; D”, and falling asleep.

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