my two dates

R has a new girlfriend and a new life. I felt slightly devastated and proceeded to delete more photos of our past life together. Fortunately, I wasn't a complete puddle. I had fit in two consecutive dates during my thanksgiving holiday.

One was a "boyfriend" from when I was 14. Does he count as an official boyfriend? He apologized for being unaware and ungrateful of my awesomeness. I told him that I still have the skateboard he gave me. He still skateboards. And he still has the first car he ever loved, Betsy, and still drives her. A 1970 International Scout. I asked him to send me a photo so I can show you what I learned to drive in without my mom's permission. He caused a few gray hairs on my poor mom.

Betsy!

P grew up to be a good man. I'm happy for the life he built. He's travelled the world on various assignments. The kid who signed his letters semper fi is now a man and I'm proud of him.

Date number two, R, was someone who I had known from high school. He was also very sweet and shared his memories of me. I didn't know anyone noticed me. I was usually in a piano room by myself. He was and is still part of the surfers clique. Now, they get together to play poker.

I had a refreshingly good time on both occasions. Friendship is so underrated. I felt safe and comfortable. There was a lot to catch up on. We laughed and shared funny awkward dating stories. And their compliments and words of admiration landed in a way that I guess friendship allows. My string of past several dates came on strong if not a bit frightening. With zero friendship established, strangers meeting me for their first dates, had decided my future with them. Bam! Just like that! They wanted a committed relationship straightaway. Compliments had a creepy landing and seemed to mostly promise a life in a gilded cage. Who does that??? I seem to find guys who like planning weddings and children on first dates.

Instead, R and P wanted to plan a fun second date. One wanted to take me salsa dancing. The other one wanted to cook for me and introduce me to his favorite Japanese whiskeys. I chose to decline. I had family I wanted to enjoy during my visit. I had some Super Mario Cart chops to show off to my nephew. While I have rockstar status in his eyes, I want to show up. How much longer will my eight year old nephew ask that I play with him? They were understanding.

I wish my dates were as pleasant experiences in Los Angeles. I never get a sense that my prospectives wanted to even befriend me though they immediately want to begin a serious relationship.

Friendship is underrated.

Have we grown to be a society where the compliment and interest of a stranger has more value than a friend?

Grow friendships.

JNET