i was gonna

try ...

a whole sunday of just chilling on something i loved to do since i was a little kid and never got rid of but the last two or so years i seem to not even be able to focus on that

and

i tried ... you know , "it" and "they" always try to simulate situations and past experiences that have actually never been in real life , i think in order to make me 'fit in' or something, if its not that then its probably an attempt to drive me to suicide or to make me end up like nietschze, not just like Tesla did (with all ideas stolen by the original patent trolls lol, but stuck in a plush environment with enough to eat SO DONT COMPLAIN CUZ AFRICA! is that racist too, wow ? well , yea whatever i stopped caring since white spirit, white bread and l'oreal removing 'white' and 'fair' from their product lines)

coca cola withdrawing ad-money NOW suddenly CUZ investigation into transparency needed (not in the past 20 years but NOW !) ... not the least but i stopped counting

for instance , i feel if reddit CEO tells his daughter he removed himself in favour of someone who was black, not better, maybe better but CUZ black ... i think he's REINFORCING the fact that it matters ... which is actually not helping globally ... meanwhile maori, aboriginals and in general the whole of cape town and more is the wrong kind of black and should provide their own riots in order to matter

OOOOOWww, i wasnt gonna speak about that

in short : its about american narcissism, without realizing it they have adopted the culture VERY WELL, and now they wanna separate and segregate, not unite ... thats how it looks and not just to me (other than the great excuse to plunder that 50 inch tv you always wanted but never could afford)

but well ... dangerous topic hahah

so THEY always try to create situations like that and alas suicide goes against my very grain so if its about fitting in into something that never was i wonder who got their psychology degree where

until i know and understand the reasoning i will blame it on triffid-spore infection

even the zombies seem to suffer from it

since uncle Po refuses to keep an eye i have been investing in surveillance equipment to put around the house and garden (all within EU-regulations OFCOURSE ! )

its kinda hard NOT to hear the noise inside the house when im inside the house though

which means im broke since i can seriously not afford that in the first place but in the name of slander-prevention i feel i have no choice ...

and food

and garden

and cleaning

and all that stuff YOU have a maid for, right ?

probably not black .... latina or east-european ?

thats okay, but not black, black people are forbidden to work in maintenance

that's racist

okay okay im shutting up

yea, so i tried all sunday to "just game" but i was already in pain as if the aliens had disemboweled me from the inside overnight (felt somewhat like that) combined with eeriness and dizzyness and the feeling that i was gonna faint

the usual

and by five pm i realized something :

there's something wrong if you have to try

which i knew b/c in most cases thats how it is but certainly with recreation

---

o ? scrutiny ?

i mentioned this before , that bible is the old one from when i was in catholic school in the quran i can only assume the old man bought it in order to be able to state facts during the back when a was bit younger and more hard-line ... in a manner of speaking ... i said this several times, they have been sitting on that shelf for all those years and not once has divine lightning struck ... so it seems that neither one true god has an issue, but humans of the three tribes (from whence it came) still do after thousands of years ... (3 tribes yes ... abrahamic if you like , its literally a long story)

i am not a monotheist but as polytheist agnostic a pantheon has room for all one true gods just as well as any other who does not try to convert me

that's the books ...

the rest is books ... all books books, i grew up when internet was not

there was books ...

that's how ancient i am, i dont just out-date iThings :p

the angel-statue is a memento of my grandma who WAS a devout church-goër ... while her ex-husban, my grandpa which i never saw, the father of my old man , took half her money and left for spain to go fight the revolution and my grandpa on the other side was a die-hard (belgian) socialist (which is nothing like the american idea on socialism) who probably saw police beat-downs of workers rights and spent most of WW2 in a nazi labour camp

most of my family didnt die of old age either , mostly horrible diseases, after a life of DECENT , HARD work ...

somewhere some gods have a funny sense of humour

et al ...

dixit

ego sum

ergo(?) latin has been 30 years ... very sorry