Great post and pics. A documentary of a very different experience in Thailand. I felt myself tearing up when you're daughter responded "They sold her". My intention is that she was happy with the outcome. I know this is not the case in many "arranged" marriages in many countries.
Kind of sad now, but your post moved me to continue to be more Compassionate in ALL cases <3
Thank you for your kind words, Jeff. 13 year old girls, by nature, are so captivated by the bridal dream. And yes, I also teared up driving. Still tear up about lots of parts about yesterday. But for some reason my judgement has gone AWOL. And am grateful for that. We're hoping Ed and Nee can come over for dinner this weekend to receive our wedding gift and so that Ploi can also interface with the other side of Nee - a smart, savvy woman straddling both worlds, the only woman to have ever successfully managed her headstrong uncle Ed, and an inspiration. There are no words sometimes, and allowing your child to find and feel disappointment is a big step. Much patience and reflection required and sometimes my-our western-feminist-judgement is just spectacularly unhelpful.
It also wasn't an 'arranged' marriage. Ed and Nee have been living together here in Chiang Mai for 8 years. He's a Buddhist, she's a nominal Christian. And Nee is a cousin-relative of the Hmong woman who is mother to my daughter's brother. :)
While we say, every way is a way. In no means to pacify or minimize the ethical impact of this story, simply to appreciate your sharing and perspective of it. Especially Ploy's thought full ah-ha moment of the transaction, the freedom you allow her to witness the world around her and your own reflections of how contrasting western feminism can be to how the rest of the world really is.
Meanwhile in some of the stans, they're still kidnapping brides by force and bundling them in the car to ordeal a indefinite "grooming" period until they agree to the marriage! Love is love; and yet marriage is more and more clearly some other kind of arrangement.
Oh and btw your journalism is showing, I dig it. Loved the subject matter, the writing was compelling and had my emotions tingling too. Great post! 💯
Marriage is a strange transaction process, most of the time. Unreal expectations, limits placed, rules... doesn't make for free flowing, growing love most of the time. And the statistical odds that two people will grow in the same direction at roughly the same rate? haha you wouldn't bet on it!!
Great blog Marike! Definitely a culture shock, i can recall when i stayed in one of the remote hilltribes 16 years ago and the girls that were dressed in white were waiting to get married. I was surprisingly informed that if you smile at one of the girls that means you want to marry them. Nonchalantly i said "can i retract my smile."
One needs to be very careful in the village setting, hey?? Ploi's grandparents were forced to marry because her grandfather touched her grandmother on the shoulder!! It did NOT make for a happy of harmonious life!! Thanks for your comments, David.
Wow, this is really touching and spooky.
I appreciate that you bring to light some of these practices that many of us would never dream that they are still happening in the world in this modern day, but it is important to see them existing.
Although I understand the transaction of value and the small village life, I also wish it would not happen, it is not right. The women should be more included in such discussions, and they should nto be sold like so! Although I do appriciate the sentiment that it is a reflection of the womans value, still.... better ways to honor that value!
-@skycae
I happen to agree with you, but the longer I live in Asia the more I see that nothing is as simple as we western people want to believe it is. And that judgement is unhelpful. I simply wanted to give a voice to another point of view. Thanks so much for your comment and support.
Great post and pics. A documentary of a very different experience in Thailand. I felt myself tearing up when you're daughter responded "They sold her". My intention is that she was happy with the outcome. I know this is not the case in many "arranged" marriages in many countries.
Kind of sad now, but your post moved me to continue to be more Compassionate in ALL cases <3
Thank you for your kind words, Jeff. 13 year old girls, by nature, are so captivated by the bridal dream. And yes, I also teared up driving. Still tear up about lots of parts about yesterday. But for some reason my judgement has gone AWOL. And am grateful for that. We're hoping Ed and Nee can come over for dinner this weekend to receive our wedding gift and so that Ploi can also interface with the other side of Nee - a smart, savvy woman straddling both worlds, the only woman to have ever successfully managed her headstrong uncle Ed, and an inspiration. There are no words sometimes, and allowing your child to find and feel disappointment is a big step. Much patience and reflection required and sometimes my-our western-feminist-judgement is just spectacularly unhelpful.
It also wasn't an 'arranged' marriage. Ed and Nee have been living together here in Chiang Mai for 8 years. He's a Buddhist, she's a nominal Christian. And Nee is a cousin-relative of the Hmong woman who is mother to my daughter's brother. :)
While we say, every way is a way. In no means to pacify or minimize the ethical impact of this story, simply to appreciate your sharing and perspective of it. Especially Ploy's thought full ah-ha moment of the transaction, the freedom you allow her to witness the world around her and your own reflections of how contrasting western feminism can be to how the rest of the world really is.
Meanwhile in some of the stans, they're still kidnapping brides by force and bundling them in the car to ordeal a indefinite "grooming" period until they agree to the marriage! Love is love; and yet marriage is more and more clearly some other kind of arrangement.
Oh and btw your journalism is showing, I dig it. Loved the subject matter, the writing was compelling and had my emotions tingling too. Great post! 💯
Marriage is a strange transaction process, most of the time. Unreal expectations, limits placed, rules... doesn't make for free flowing, growing love most of the time. And the statistical odds that two people will grow in the same direction at roughly the same rate? haha you wouldn't bet on it!!
"...your journalism is showing..." ooops!
Right.. love is love is love.. no paper can prove it.
Oh and it's a good thing! I love your writing, you're a great story telling and day by day the steemiverse will know too! :)
@kenistyles thanks for the resteem love.
Great blog Marike! Definitely a culture shock, i can recall when i stayed in one of the remote hilltribes 16 years ago and the girls that were dressed in white were waiting to get married. I was surprisingly informed that if you smile at one of the girls that means you want to marry them. Nonchalantly i said "can i retract my smile."
One needs to be very careful in the village setting, hey?? Ploi's grandparents were forced to marry because her grandfather touched her grandmother on the shoulder!! It did NOT make for a happy of harmonious life!! Thanks for your comments, David.
Wow, this is really touching and spooky.
I appreciate that you bring to light some of these practices that many of us would never dream that they are still happening in the world in this modern day, but it is important to see them existing.
Although I understand the transaction of value and the small village life, I also wish it would not happen, it is not right. The women should be more included in such discussions, and they should nto be sold like so! Although I do appriciate the sentiment that it is a reflection of the womans value, still.... better ways to honor that value!
-@skycae
I happen to agree with you, but the longer I live in Asia the more I see that nothing is as simple as we western people want to believe it is. And that judgement is unhelpful. I simply wanted to give a voice to another point of view. Thanks so much for your comment and support.