My Bank Closed My Account Because Dogecoin

Don’t worry. I didn’t have a stroke in the middle of writing that headline. There’s not supposed to be anything after “Dogecoin.”

Because that really is exactly what happened.

A bank fully and summarily one of my accounts because Dogecoin.

I’m almost giddy about the situation because, as I occasionally will point out, I’m no great fan of banks, mostly due to the fact that banks are just another variation on the theme of “heartless overprivileged sociopaths living large off the State’s largesse in exchange for kicking back votes and money to their pet politicians and State apparatchiks.”

In other words, they’re part of the big scam on regular people.

Except when a scam takes place at such high levels and benefits every part of the ruling caste, it’s not called a “scam,” but rather “macroeconomics,” or “civil society,” or some similar word having it’s origin in high-theoretical blather.

So when I attempted to start a new round of converting some greenbacks—or whatever phantasmic remnants of long gone greenbacks that were “fractionally reserved” in my account—into fiat, I received a notification that my account had been closed.

Of course they didn’t specify the reasons as of yet, but there is no other explanation.

Account was fully funded and was light years away from any kind of “overdraft.” There hasn’t been any issues in the past, and I’m a very simple easy-going customer.

The part that makes it so wonderful though (no sarcasm intended) is that I was planning on using this round of funds to change my U.S. dollars into Dogecoin.

I have a special place in my heart for that little blockchain Shibe Inu. There’s something incredibly refreshing about a group of people who will take very useful money and change it into comparatively useless money, just so they can tip other similarly-situated people for making absurd dog memes packed to the brim with purposefully mangled grammar.

That takes a certain kind of dedication to humor and lightheartedness to which I aspire.

And so, the banks, in their panic over what type of horrible illicit activity my funds would be used for, made it possible for me to tell people that dogecoin is the reason I no longer utilize this particular institution.

At a very specific level of abstraction, all else being equal, that is absolutely hilarious.

I absolutely realize that through nothing other than pure luck and happenstance, I’m fortunate enough in my life that this has no effect on my life situation whatsoever.

So I can joke.

But can you imagine how this would be (and imminently will be, now that banks have realized crypto-currency is a threat to their gravy train scam) for people who can’t giggle about it and continue on about their lives?

What are the people who only have one bank account going to do when this happens to them?

People who decided to put a little bit of their money into cryptocurrency because they smartly wanted to diversity a bit.

People who’ve maybe been treated poorly by the State, or a bank, or a big corporation, and decided that they really like the idea of being involved in something that is ideologically positioned to support more freedom, more equality, and more human dignity for people like them.

People who just wanted to buy some dogecoin and tip-out the dude who made the ridiculous and pointless“Such Wow!” meme that brightened their day a tiny, little bit when they really needed it.

How ruinous would this have been for them? Their only bank account frozen and then closed, their ChexSystems score getting dinged making it difficult to open a new account, and their paychecks now incredibly hard-to-receive—and st best delayed—because they were set up for direct deposit for this one account. And if the closed account had overdraft protection? Now they’re hit with a lowered FICO score too!

So I can joke about it and it’s funny insofar as the banks being sent into a tizzy because of dogecoin is hilarious.

But it’s really not all that funny.

Real people are going to be hurt by this and there is no legal recourse for them because the entire legal system is built to permanently discourage people from living in a way that is detrimental to the ruling caste’s cold iron grip on power and wealth.

Which means that things like this are just the very early signs of the State and it’s Big Corporate partners beginning their long-fight against crypto-currency as a threat to their hegemony.

You ain’t gonna be puttin’ the meat on your own burner, because that’s their gravy...the drippins and leavins are what they’ll give you, and, dammit, they think you should be thankful they’re so nice to let you have that.

It all makes the Dogecoin meme-makers look like mature, responsible types, doesn’t it?