12 signs you may be addicted to Crypto

1. Your day is determined by the market

Your life used to be the music video to "Happy" but now your mood swings more than the price of MTL. You can tell how your day will be in the first 30 secs when you're checking Blockfolio during your morning dump 

2. Your first instinct is to grab your phone when logging into websites now

Every website you logon to now you immediately open your Google Authenticator app thinking its 2fa enabled. And then you realise its just your Blizzard account and no one gives a fuck about stealing your level 25 Warlock

3. Every purchase you make now you quickly calculate how much Ripple you could've bought

You think to yourself if eating is overrated and if you can survive a week living off human urine like Bear Grylls did until your next payday because the price of NEO dipped and you want to load up

4. When you're a grown adult but your vocabulary is reduced to a 12yr old

You could be in your 30s with a family and have a respectable job but all of a sudden people think you're dyslexic or suffered a stroke because now you're spelling words like HODL and YUGE. 

5. You've suddenly grown a dislike towards whales

You used to like those gentle giants of the sea but now whenever you see their name you just want to punch them in their fat faces for manipulating the market

6. You discover Twitter is actually useful for something other than following pornstars

Twitter was your Go To for NSFW pics of your favourite pornstar or finding the leaked Kevin Hart sextape but now you're following the latest on what Charlie Lee has to say

7. Every Japanese person you meet you wonder if they could be Satoshi Nakamoto

All of a sudden you're staring at your local Sushi chef wondering if hes the Father of Crypto and the 20yrs of sushi training could all be a clever disguise

8. When people talk about forks you're suddenly triggered

You start using a spoon to eat your spaghetti cos fuck Forks!

9. Your partner thinks you're cheating on them cos you're constantly checking your phone

You're constantly checking your phone and walking out of the room and your partner suspects you're creeping on the low with some InstaHoe when really Blockfolio is alerting you that Stratis has dropped 20% and you're going to the toilet to quietly sob

10. When people say OMG, you immediately think of the Crypto

And you wonder if Usher is holding bags of OmiseGo

11. Your coin goes up 20% and you want to quit your job

Like all of a sudden you want to start a hedge fund and call it AXE Cap and hire midgets to toss around the office just because XVG went up by 20%....and not realising its still worth under 0.01c and you're still broke

12. You no longer think people who drive Lambos are drug dealers

You think maybe they had the foresight to invest in Antshares and you were just a judgemental bastard all along

- @chumpsta