“New Crypto-Art! (Early October 2019)” by Richard F. Yates

Greetings Humans (and other Conscious Entities)! Today, utilizing my great and unmatched wisdom, I’ve decided to LET LOOSE with three new works of CYPTO-ART! (If you are unfamiliar with crypto-art, I have written a weird, rambling, uninformed post about it, that you can read HERE, if you’d like to be hypnotized into this strange new cult!) Today’s crypto-pieces are brought to you by the letters “Y” and “R”, and the number “3”!

Now for the fine print: Each of the works mentioned below is being tokenized on the Ethereum blockchain by the fine folks at MakersPlace, who are doing a great job of collecting some very talented, enthusiastic, and creative folks under one SITE! Give their page a look, and you’ll see what I mean! The pieces I'm presenting today are being released in single editions of ONE each---first come, first served---and there will be NO reprints. The person who gets to them first will be the only collector in the WHOLE WORLD who gets to own these! Some of them go very quickly, like within a day or two of publication, so if you’re even slightly interested, better visit my MakersPlace store / gallery right away! Even if you aren’t (yet) into collecting rare digital assets, I have a TON of weird, freak-show art on display, which might give you a chuckle… (And who couldn’t use a chuckle in today’s hectic, stress-plagued, Blade Runner-wanna-be world???)

Without further ados or adon’ts, here’s the new stuff:

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“Bread Head”

Bread Head was a fashion victim---obviously. His desire for the newest, hippest, most trendy, DESIGNER clothing often led him to some of the most outlandish outfits known to man or monster...

Still, his other focus (on making DOUGH---as in CASH, not baking), allowed him to SPEND a lot on his wardrobe. Certain designers, knowing that Bread Head was easily impressed, added flashing lights and LED touches to their angora sweatshirts, and made leggings out of exotic threads (like braided coconut fur, dyed various colors by soaking the individual coconut hairs in pulverized flower baths... The labor intensive construction allowed the creators to charge more for their creations, even if they were really just colorful tights, than some people paid for their HOUSES!) In actuality, Bread Head's fashion addiction was undoubtedly unhealthy---and would eventually lead to his undoing...

Bread Head, on his 41st birthday, finally succumbed to his fashion obsession, when a particularly ambitious jacket designer came up with a "futuristic" hoodie that projected, in a lush, liquid crystal display covering the entire surface of the garment, the images and thoughts in the wearer's head. The process by which the jacket accessed the wearer's thoughts required that metallic nano-tube wires crawl into the skull of the wearer and attach themselves to the person's brain---but in a fluke, one in a billion accident, Bread Head happened to have a tiny bit of aluminum embedded in his skull from an archery accident that happened in his youth, and this fragment of aluminum somehow caught a cross-circuit with one of the metallic nano-tubes, which ELECTROCUTED Bread Head on the spot, in one of the most colorful, impressive, dramatic deaths ever caught on video. As the electrocution began, Bread Head's entire LIFE flashed before his eyes AND played out on the liquid crystal jacket display at the same time!!!

Although the event proved fatal to Bread Head, it was also considered one of the most impressive deaths ever performed at a clothing store, made Kirk Voopus, the jacket's designer, an instant superstar, AND in addition, Bread Head's Death Display won an academy award for special effects at that year's Oskars, and Bread Head's brother, Thomas, took home the award for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama for his role in Bread Head's life...

Who would have thought??

[P.S. - This portrait of Bread Head, drawn approximately two weeks before his death, is ink on reclaimed cardboard with digital embellishments and colors.]

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“Don’t Jump! (Desperate Chicken)”

Chicken Medium, always overshadowed by his younger brother, Chicken Little, became desperately unhappy one evening and climbed onto the roof of the Tenant Way Gas and Grub, contemplating the unthinkable---but luckily, Alex Fembone, nearly simultaneously, had suffered an attack of the munchies and had walked over to the gas station to get some cookies and jo-jos!

Though Alex was staggering, just a bit, and trying with all his might not to trip over his own feet, he must have heard the sad, sobbing clucks of Chicken Medium as he stood on the edge of the gas station roof. "Whoa! It looks like there's a big chicken on top of that gas station... What was in that brownie???" Alex said---perhaps a bit too loudly. Chicken Medium looked down at the stumbling guy in the parking lot, then wiped a tear from his eye with a feathery wing.

"Hey! Big Chicken!!! Don't jump! We can talk this out, man!!" Alex shouted, deciding to go with the hallucination...just in case...

"Big?" said Chicken Medium. "You think I'm big?"

"Dude... You're GIANT! Like, SCARY BIG!" Alex said, then fell over backwards onto the ground.

"Hey man! Are you okay?" Chicken Medium jumped off the roof, flapped his wings a few times, and landed fairly lightly on the ground next to the guy, who was laughing but also clearly in pain... (Chickens can't really FLY with their wings, but they can glide just fine. In retrospect, jumping off a two story gas station probably wasn't going to be that dangerous for a bird...)

"This is the craziest shit I've ever seen," Alex said, rubbing a large---and getting larger---knot on the back of his head. He tried to sit up, awkwardly, and Chicken Medium helped him into a sitting position...

The friendship that blossomed in that parking lot on that extraordinary night lasted for several decades, with Chicken Medium and Alex eventually starting a successful pot shop together, and being the best man at each other's weddings. They can still often be found buying munchies in the middle of the night at various gas stations... The END???

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“Rock Star (From the Land of Make-Believe)”

He stepped out of the speaker, his mirror-eyes flashing with some internal strobe-light-effect. "Ah, man! What a load of SHITE!" he said, in what MIGHT have been a Liverpudlian accent...

We heard squealing guitars wailing from the ether with every step he took, as he strutted to the window, the brass buttons on his Corporal Pepper's fancy jacket jingling, just slightly, with each plunk of his Beetle-boots. He pushed the curtain aside, saw traffic surging below in the streets, shook his head, then asked over his shoulder, "Have you seen the Egg-Man? He disappeared with the Walrus a few days ago, and now he's NOWHERE, man..."

The record that we'd been playing (a brand new copy of a very old album) ended, and the needle hopped with a pop at the center of the disk, over and over again---but we were too mesmerized by our outlandish visitor to put down our glassware and turn the record over.

The Rock Star (he just LOOKED like a rock star) clicked his tongue, possibly looking at us---although who could tell beneath his covered eyes---then strutted (again) back to the speaker, and with a screech of feedback from some unseen microphone, he melted back into WOOF and TWEET and disappeared...back (we assume) to the Land of Make-Believe!

[P.S. - This artist reconstruction of the dimension hopping figure is ink on found cardboard with digital embellishments and color!]

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And that’s the HOOPLAH for today! Hopefully, you found the above junk humorous and / or informative, and you aren’t now considering retaliatory measures against me. (I’d understand if you were! AND, if I do get taken out by a disgruntled ART CRITIC, it will probably increase the value of my artwork, which will be good for my family and my handful of collectors. So if you’re considering something along these lines, P.M. me and we can work out the details!) If you haven’t yet had a look at my MakersPlace store / slash / gallery, feel free to visit THAT SITE now, and then get back to me with any thoughts and / or demands!

Okay, now go make some art of your own! (If I can do it, ANYBODY CAN!!! PUNK RAWK!!!! YEAH!!!)

---Richard F. Yates
(Primitive Thoughtician and Holy Fool)

SUPPORT INDEPENDENT FOLKS WHO ARE JUST MAKING STUFF BECAUSE THEY LOVE IT!!!

https://steemit.com/@richardfyates
https://primitiveentertainment.wordpress.com/read-a-damn-book-list/
https://makersplace.com/store/richardyates/