looking for my inner unicorn

When I get out of bed in the morning, I try to think of a good thought immediately so I can start my day on a positive vibe.

It sometimes works really well and I can face any challenge with a smile on my face. I can overcome any obstacle within reason, and be I can be ok with what I cannot.

But sometimes, I get out of bed really upset and frustrated. Sometimes my pain interrupting my sleep all night is enough to really damper my spirits for my morning. Most times this turns into a bad day.

Every morning is exactly the same though, it's just how I approach it.

I do not sleep very often and when I do it is not for long. I toss, turn, kick and punch in my sleep. I have nightmares or real feeling upsetting dreams. I get up to pee at least 12 times a night. I'm just not made for sleep and I don't think I have heard my alarm actually go off in over 2 years. Even on weekends, I'm up and ready for battle by 7am at the latest.

What battle? Is a question you might ask.

The battle of my own brain telling me EVERYTHING hurts. The battle of something touching me or blowing in my direction. The battle of shooting pains through my body over a sound or vibration.

The battle of just existing is a real one for myself and others who live with CRPS. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.

Which is why we commonly refer to ourselves and each other as Warriors. It's because we are.

We fight everyday to just be ok. The fact that I go above and beyond that trying to make everything not only ok, but happy and positive, makes me question my own sanity a lot of the time.

But it really helps me get through each day and give hope for the next.

I need to find that sparkle again. My inner unicorn.

The weather in Nova Scotia has been awful. Last night was -25, today the sun is out but -19 and then tomorrow is a giant snow storm. My body doesn't know wtf to think.

Yes, people with chronic pain conditions are definitely affected by the weather. It sucks when you live in NS and the weather changes when it wants to.

So, I wrote a few of my fellow warriors and still have more to write. I made my first Instagram post of the week this morning and I am writing this. I'm trying to trick myself into thinking everything is positive.

I sure hope it works. If not, I'll find something else to beat this with.

On a positive note, Nanolume.

Nanolume is a pain tracking app that is like a pain diary. You can share your entries with your doctor and support. It's not expensive and has impressed me quite a bit with how easy it is to use! (Still learning about Steemit, WordPress, Twitter and Instagram, but one step at a time.)

So I highly recommend Nanolume for anyone who suffers from chronic pain :) let me know what you think if you already have it :)

Positive thoughts for a positive day,

-Kristen Sparkle

@HippieRaysWays on Instagram and Twitter :)