"Harness the Weirdness" by Richard F. Yates
Preach on, Brother Monster!
Now available from ImagiMonster Inc., a revolutionary new combination WEIRDNESS collection funnel system and WEIRDO ENERGY storage battery, the PSYCHO-FLEX 2450!
Yes, sent straight as the duck flies from the 24th-and-half century, the PSYCHO-FLEX 2450 uses an ion resistor net collection funnel to pull in the POWERFUL (but previously difficult to harness) WEIRDO RADIATION WAVES, which as we all know, have been used by CREATIVE TITANS for hundreds of years to fuel their imaginations.
Frank Zappa! Andy Warhol! Picasso! Screamin' Jay Hawkins! Tristan Tzara! Peter Lorre! Andy Kaufman! Chuck Jones! Weird Al Yankovic! And even Randy "Macho Man" Savage all harnessed the power of Weirdo Radiation Waves to fuel their EPIC careers!
And now, YOU CAN, TOO!
With the PSYCHO-FLEX 2450!!!
Simply fill the Psycho-Flex Ion Resistor Net Collection Module with water and attach it to the upper arm of your favorite leather jacket, hoodie, or ski coat, then turn the device on, and go for a walk in the streets of any major metropolis or percolating college town. The Psycho-Flex will detect any ambient Weirdo Waves nearby and pull them in through the ion collection funnel system, then infuse the water in the reservoir with this weirdo radiation. If you find someone being especially creative, a street performer or graffiti artist, it helps to circle them three or four times to ensure maximum radiation intake.
When the light on the module turns from puce to fuchsia, the module is full! Just find the nearest coffee shop, sit at a well lit table, and drink the WEIRDO RADIATION INFUSED WATER from the water reservoir, and then FEEL THE CREATIVITY START TO COURSE THROUGH YOUR VEINS*! The next step is to start drawing!!! ...Or composing poetry or writing that screenplay or building a new virtual world! ImagiMonster Inc. guarantees you'll be AT LEAST as creative as you would have been if you hadn't used the PSYCHO-FLEX 2450! In fact we're SO confident that we have a 100% money back offer. Just use the Psycho-Flex 2450 for FIVE YEARS, and if you're not completely satisfied, we'll give you every damn cent you spent back!
(*Side effects from drinking Psycho-Flex 2450 Weirdo Radiation Wave infused water can include dizziness, stained teeth, bad breath, undead resurrection, headaches, shakiness, evil laughter, inability to hold down a job, glow-in-the-dark skin, and in some extreme cases, lethargy. The Psycho-Flex 2450 is NOT recommended to be used with sugary sodas in place of water, unless rum is also used in tandum.)
Get your PSYCHO-FLEX 2450 TODAY!!!
[P.S.- The art for this advertisement was created by Richard "Filthymouth" Yates. Digital drawing. 2019.]
---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool and Vice President of ImagiMonster Inc.)
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