REAL|VioletMoon|4/4/16

I don’t feel real. that’s funny, why? why. yes, that’s real. really full of nothing. really silly. you talk terribly. you feel itchy. you feel dry. tight. flimsy and broken. thin nails. not quite right. i don’t concentrate, right. that’s real. that’s solid. that’s a functionless function. it’s functional. functionally dysfunctional. what do you let go of when you need to start letting go? you stop pressing caps. that’s lazy. real lazy. you feel real lazy and feel some feelings. writing messages on skin. leaving vibrations in rooms. why can’t you speak. where do you go? you don’t know yourself, but you know me. you know so much, what do you do with it? Apply. I can’t. If I can’t start, I can’t. need it all, all right. everything right. it’s not. no. it never is. not there. can’t reach. off limits. out of bounds. we share that. doesn’t help. can’t make sense. you understand but it doesn’t seem real. I go to a place where i try to make sense. don’t know where to start. nowhere feels like home. nowhere feels familiar. you come back and ask why arent you real. I ask. Why arent i real. you want to feel. i want to feel real. but i am. but you are. yes, i know. and yet, it still won’t make sense. nothing quite fits. nothing comes together. answer me. validate me. tell me i am real. tell me i am so special. you want to hear. tell me i’m beautiful. tell me what i want to hear. perpetuate. enable. give me so special, so hard. so complex. so romantic. feel so detached. please bring me back. tell me, i need it. i need it. make me believe you. you can do that. why won’t you play the game. do it for me. is that bad. do it for me. i should be worth that. i am a slave. to this, to that. i will wait for that. ashamed and desperate. you beg. you are someone who begs. i get so low. i go really far away. you don’t really think about me. self obsessed. self absorbed. need me. need you, i certainly don’t. would like to feel real. i feel so stupid i cant understand. i feel like a scratch. jump in and back.you wont get it here. i wont find that here.stop looking there. it’ll change. take off and sit. see and feel real.

VM

original post: https://violetmoon.live/2016/04/04/real/