Ego Death - A rewarding leap into the unknown
Is this Transcendence, Enlightenment, Ego Death?
It took me a while to find the right word to express this concept, I was tempted to use recognisable and popular spiritual terms like transcendence or enlightenment. However, upon investigation none of these terms seem to have a stable definition and do not serve to describe the experience at any rate. The English language is a fickle beast!
Thankfully, Ego Death is a practical term with a reasonably uniform meaning. Even without a formal definition, it sounds like the experience.
Ego Death
Ego Death refers to a temporary experience or complete loss of subjective self-identity[1]. For me, whatever I had previously called the ‘I’ or the ‘me’, left my consciousness, and with it took all of its baggage, wants, distress, anxieties, and self-serving views and opinions with it. My consciousness had been liberated.
Unbelievable right?! I had done no prior research and held no belief at the time of first experiencing this, I simply had no clue that this might or even could happen. So what happened next?
I can only speak from my personal experience. At the time of the ego death, instruction from myself as I knew it had stop coming, the feeling of wanting was no longer there, the desire for material things and personal gain was no longer there. My focus and concentration on what I had previously thought of as personally important had completely changed, I now saw many personal wants as not important. Whatever I had became in the next moment held no belief in the legitimate existence of the old self.
The new being that now occupied my consciousness had an overwhelming feeling of benevolent unconditional loving, I love myself I love my ego, but not in the way of attachment. I loved it and I wish it all the best in the world but it's immediate happiness was no longer of key concern. I saw no difference in importance between myself and those around me, I love them just as much as I did myself, everyone in my life and everyone I could conceive of I treated this type of love. Judgement was no longer necessary for this type of love, people did not need to present value or even be of any good to be worthy of this love.
Simply put, it is the dying of the sense of self, of individuality, or of that which I conceive myself to be as perhaps different than what I am.
~ James Stewart[2]
Ways to get there and what happens after.
There are many paths to the experience, some involve meditations and retreats, other require finding the correct medicinal chemicals. I am sure the texture of the experience is modified by the path taken to reach it. I’ve never used any type of drug or plant to reach the state, but people who have describe something very similar but they often have glimpsed other things in the distortion.
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY TIME! Before taking drugs to get there quickly, be warned that it is a really profound and life changing state, there is a natural urge to get back there as soon as possible and this may leave to some undesired habits. Also, there appears to be a chance of having a harrowing experience that may permanently scar you, I’ve never heard of this happening during meditation.
My favourite book on the matter is Sam Harris’ ‘Waking Up’. Sam Harris is a very controversial character, but this treatise on the topic is the clearest and best-written I have ever seen. You can hear the first chapter of the audiobook on YouTube.
The powerful effects
For me, this event of ego death was an express path to an increase in compassion and understanding of myself and other human beings. I really have no idea what I would be like today if it wasn’t for this having happened. I would have been less free from fear, anxiety, and hate, this much I can say with high confidence.
It has been an absolute joy to see those I care about learn, understand, and in some cases experience, the same event that had such a positive effect on my life. I hope more people will be encouraged to take the trip early on in life.
In a recent interview by BJ Miller (TED Talk for reference) he spoke about people only taking this trip once their was no more fighting that they are soon to cease, and only then do they discover what was really important to them. He calls this “Existential suffering”. I’m not a big fan of using the “don’t regret” m.o., but this is something to experience sooner rather than later.
After my experience, I quickly discovered that after a short conversation about nothing in particular with a previously unmet person, I was able to accurately predict if they had had a similar experience. It is in the way they accept others and how they treat their own self obsession. I can get into some personal examples in a later article, if people are interested.
“These experiences, though often unique in their specific content, often share a universality both psychologically and spiritually, with those of our fellow psychonauts and consciousness-explorers.”
~ John Harrison[2]
I couldn’t resist a bit of a red pill blue pill metaphor.
Ego death is a life changing and temporary experience. Buddhism promotes making it a permanent feature in a persons everyday existence, but for people with jobs and kids to feed, a once off experience is enough to permanently enhance one’s self. I was lucky in falling into the experience completely accidentally, but it doesn’t have to be an accident.
@newandold. I would like to write a tale about this experience, what preceded it in the cases I've seen, and what followed. If you would like to see an article about this, please comment on this article, on Facebook, or Twitter. Webpage
[1] - http://csp.org/psilocybin/HopkinsHallucinogenSafety2008.pdf
[2] - http://www.maps.org/news-letters/v20n1/v20n1-40to41.pdf
Greetings! This article has been featured in Lost Content Digest, Issue #6. The author will receive a share of all SBD proceeds from the LCD issue.
This is a great project, thank you. I'll follow you now for future updates.
Great article man . keep up sharing good work
Thanks for sharing your experience. You've struck my curiosity with this one :)
How long did this ego death last, if you don't mind my asking?
I don't believe that I've had this experience myself.
I've had varying degrees of the experience that you describe, feeling noticeably less judgmental towards the whole picture and experiencing what I'd call a very spacious awareness that feels blissful and surprisingly attuned and connected to all that's happening in the moment, but I'm not convinced that I've "went all the way with it." I feel like I've been really close to "crossing-over" many times in the past and that I've always stopped it from happening due to a subtle fear (which becomes less and less subtle the closer I feel to the cross-over into ego death) that I might parish or forever become someone, or something, that I don't like, or want to be, after what I sense to be an inevitable transformation approaching.
Did you perhaps sense a similar fear before the ego death happened? If so, what was the experience, regarding that fear, once the cross-over happened? Anything that you can share into these kind of details would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks again.
Thank you for writing.
I was planning to do followup post after this one about the full first ego death experience, in which I intend to cover the topics you've mentioned. I'm really relieved that at least one person is interested :)
I'll give some quick answers now, but I will post the full story and context on Sunday/Monday.
The initial experience lasted 4 days, I feel like it could have gone longer but there were certain events that pulled my old ego back around that time.
I have an extremely mindful close friend who is in the same position as yourself. He is able to reach the edge of a high level of awareness to the extent where he can see the opportunity to just let go and jump. He never has, but he also gains insights and understanding that have positive impact.
There was a lot of fear the first time, and even when I do it now, there still is. There have been a couple of times where I have also come to the edge and ended up stepping back into the current state of being.
As for what happens to the fear once you step over, well... I'm just thinking about it now. The fear is certainly a manifestation of the mind that you leave behind. I don't recall anything other than a near immediate removal of the fear. I think the reason I'm having trouble recalling is because the frame of mind is so altered in that moment that the concept of the fear as it was no longer makes sense as a question in the context. It is hard for me to speak for that version of myself when I am not in it though.
The new mind and self we become is different from who we are just before the event, the concerns are not shared. I suppose there could be relief in knowing that the self that fears the worst won't be around to ask questions once it is gone?
Thank you for the thought provoking questions! It has raised a point I wasn't considering previously. I hope that I'll be able to provide more clarity with my Sunday/Monday post. :)
Awesome. Thanks for elaborating, I look forward to that post.
Great read! I just wrote a blog involving the ego too. You might like :)