Arts and Farts! Permanent Hat Labelling

Any parent with an absent-minded child knows the pain of buying an even dozen hats and hoping they last through the second semester. And it's worse when your kids go to the kind of school where other parents see nothing wrong with "creatively borrowing" your kids' hats.

Things I have tried and how they failed:

• Nikko pen or permanent marker - morally reduced parent bleached the hat, then nikko'd over my kids name and added theirs
• Mark the sweatband - sweatband cut off
• Puffy paint - illegible to anyone and everyone
• Iron-on labels - can fall off in the wash, or can be "encouraged" off with enough muscle power
• Sewn-on labels - nothing a stitch-ripper can't cure.

However, there is one substance that will NEVER come off your kids' clothes, no matter what. You can't remove that noise with steel wool or the most corrosive cleansing chemicals known to humankind. Nikko can't obscure it. Neither can a fresh dye job.

Ladies and gentlemen, parents all over the world, I ask you to consider: HOUSE PAINT

That's as near to indelible ink as we have. Once it's set, nothing in the world will shift it. And it comes in a variety of colours. Plus, a sample pot is all you'll ever need and it's practically a lifetime supply for $5.

You will need:

• Your kids' hat(s)
• Sample pot of the house paint of your choice
• A small, fine-tipped brush
  

How to do it:

• Dip the brush into the paint (dur)
• Carefully write your kids' name as large as you like. I like to use the sewing lines like Grade1 Writing Guides. The result is a nice, legible name:
  
  
  Blobbiness of the writing is entirely dependant on the steadiness of your hand, the stiffness of the brush, and the chunkiness of the paint.
• A second coat may be required, but I never found it necessary.