I Have To Be Honest, I've Never Felt This Way Before

in #coronavirus3 months ago

I'm turning 42 this week, and never in my life have I felt this way. Anxiety is not a feeling I've ever really had. Sure I've been nervous before a first day at work, or when I was away from my family for a long period of time, but the feeling was always short-lived.

anxiety-2019928_960_720.webp

Now I'm in an almost constant state of anxiety and nervous about the future and what that means for my kids. I don't want to die due to the Coronavirus, and I don't want to lose anyone close to me. I don't want to see anyone die.

This feeling is like I'm constantly hungry, but I can't eat. It's like my mind is telling me that there are things to do, but I don't know what else to do.

We've stocked up as best we can. We are washing our hands constantly and doing everything we can to avoid COVID-19 and be as prepared as possible for the fallout.

For me, I've been warning people for months about this in America. I've told friends with babies they need to stock up on formula three weeks ago, and they call me today seeing if I can find any here so I can ship it to them. They didn't listen.

My own mother has been going out to buy supplies and buy wine when she should have bought all that stuff weeks ago. Her lack of preparedness is only adding to the stress.

I put on a brave face for my kids, who I am now teaching while I work throughout the day. I've been cooking all the meals while my wife still has to work at the YMCA for all day care since schools are closed. (Don't get me started on why she even has to be at work.)

I'm not unlike millions out there dealing with the same stresses of the world we live in now, but what can I do about it?

I've taken up mediation and it does seem to help me fall asleep, but I'm not staying asleep too well. I'm sure many of you are feeling the same way.

Maybe this wasn't the best week to quit smoking either, but quitting now could really save my life.

The only thing that seems to be really working, is I am renewing my relationship with God. He and I were on great terms for most of my life, but I've kinda grown apart. I'm happy to have God back in my life. It is comforting, but still difficult to give up my worries.

It's funny, this is the most honest I've ever been in such a public forum. I'm often quite reserved, but I know there are people out there feeling the way I do, so I just want you to know that you are not alone. Anyone that has a brain right now is scared. We're scared about getting sick, about family, about what the future will hold.

Just know you're not alone even though we all may feel somewhat alone in isolation. Social distancing is a good idea, but we still need contact. Feel free to tell me how you are feeling, and if you have any tips... no drugs though. Can't do that.

To anyone that reads this, please be comforted in knowing we're all in this together. Literally, all of us around the world. Keep the faith. If you don't have faith, find some. We all need something to believe in.

Thank you for reading.