No, Wiping Doesn't Stop a Virus
Let's get to what seems to be the important question, first:
No, I don't know why people are hoarding toilet paper. It's not that kind of virus.
There's so much misinformation about the coronavirus, and it's such an actual threat, that's it's hard to write humor about it. The good news is that a large number of people think it's not as much of a danger as it is, so it's not hard for them at all.
There certainly are surreal details surrounding the pandemic. For instance, the number of people who think that, because fewer people have been tested for the virus in America, it must not be as widespread here. Connected: the number of people who think the reported number of cases is the total number of people actually exposed. Also, the number of people who think the medical system can handle anything that gets thrown at it.
And the toilet paper thing.
We got lucky, making our routine shopping trip just as the usual suspects started to panic. We actually picked up TP, along with important stuff like books, dog food, the stuff Emily makes me eat because of my cholesterol (which took up most of the cart, darn it), and chocolate.
It was only a few days later when I stopped at the store for some perishable stuff, and saw the empty TP aisle. Why? Enough for a couple of weeks, that I get, but enough to line every room in the house seems a bit much ... although granted, it also works as insulation.
It appears people have been hording stuff like hand sanitizer, soap, and TP not to have enough for themselves, but to resell it and gouge everyone. That's a tar and feather offense, assuming any tar and feathers are available..
I hope there's been a run on condoms, though. Many people who don't have much imagination are going to be looking for things, or people, to do in the immediate future.
Ironically, I didn't have much trouble finding my usual staples at the local store: eggs, milk, bread, all plentiful. What was short? Chicken.
No, I don't get it. We eat a lot of chicken, mostly because it's better for you than donuts, not to mention donuts don't work well in a stew. In addition, baked chocolate doesn't work nearly as well as you'd think, except in Alaska. So, oddly, the first coronavirus problem to hit my home was a chicken shortage.
As for TP, we have it locked up and guarded by the dog. We trust him not to steal it.
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"Anyone who doesn't know I'm behind this door is going to NEED toilet paper."
Look, it's really not difficult to, um, stretch your TP. Don't replace it with Kleenex--you might need that--but there are always paper towels and napkins. But, as a friend pointed out to me, you shouldn't flush material that thick, so you'll have to bag it up like the astronauts did.
Barring that, if you're anything like me you have a whole basket full of mismatched socks. Why did you keep them? Well, now you know.
The only other choice is to have the National Guard break into homes and arrest hoarders. Do we have enough National Guard troops for that? I don't think so.
But I've given you some options, and it's almost spring, which means there'll be plenty of leaves and plants to go around. Stay away from anything that has the word "Poison" in its name. The hospital might not have time to deal with you.
And, of course, wash your hands, early and often, whether they need it or not. They say you should wash for the length of time it takes to sing "Happy Birthday" twice.
The other day I got that song mixed up with "Staying Alive", which is used to time CPR, and accidentally brought a sink to life. The heart attack victim was still dead, but at least he was clean.
If you wonder why people are so concerned about having no TP... try to live without it. And I mean, without decent substitutes as well, like tissues or kitchen wipes. You may use newspapers, filling paper from Amazon parcels and such stuff. You will find - it really sucks as TP.
It always reminds me of the TP that was issues in the British army up until the late 80s. The closest comparison today is baking paper - the stuff you use to avoid that cookies stick to the tray when you bake them. Same as baking paper, nothing would stick to this army TP, and it was about as soft as glass shards. I have no idea why they adopted that stuff as the standard army TP. Perhaps it had other secret functions I didn't know about. Like that you can fold it in a certain way, and then use to cut a enemy's throat without making noise. Or wrap your rifle in it, if you have to keep it buried in the ground for some years. I don't know. It was specially made for the army, though. Which makes sense, since nobody would ever buy that stuff in a shop. Well, only once perhaps.
It was probably made by the lowest bidder!
The joke I've been making is that people should start using those socks nobody can find the match for. I have a whole basket full of unmatched socks.
Well, that a way to utilize them. Its just bad news if you happen to find the second sock again after a while... :)
I'm a borderline hoarder--I have a box full of socks that haven't seen a match in years. Not worried about that part now!
Well, I'm not quiet sure if you understood what I meant to say... :)
But never mind. Jokes aside, what is the situation in your region? On TV they only talk about the big cities - and what they say is not very encouraging.
So what's it like in the country side? Do you also have restrictions, closed schools and shops and all that? And how is it going for the emergency services?
Around here its still not too bad, though a lot of places are shut down and people are told to avoid coming in contact with others. But people still are out in the street, the busses are still going. Compared to other countries (like Italy) we are not doing so bad, I guess. Lets see how it goes in the next weeks.
It's pretty much the same precautions here. The necessary stuff is open, but most everything else is closed--we don't have as many detected cases as the big city, but then we don't have the population, either. Still, it doesn't seem to be spreading as quickly, mostly because we do have some elbow room, here.
Our emergency services aren't hit too badly yet, but there has been an increase in ambulance calls. It takes awhile to get an ambulance back into service, because they're disinfecting them even more than they were already doing, no to mention going above and beyond in cleaning themselves. Just as we have fewer people, we have fewer ambulances--it wouldn't take too much for our resources to run out.
Yes, its a difficult time for the health workers especially. In one of the two hospitals we have in town, that happens to be across the street from my house, the have now found 8 nurses testing positive. All together we have about 200 cases in a community of 50,000. About 50 are cured, 1 died. Very much in danger are institutions like homes for elderly and such. There are a few places in Germany where it happened, and several people died. My mother is in such a place (but yet without corona cases) as well. Nobody is allowed to go in there any longer, except for staff.
Almost more worrying is the way the economy is going. The lockdown will result in a huge number of bancrupcies and hence huge unemployment. At the moment it sounds as if the government is paying for it all - but the government are we, the people, at the end of the day. Of course they can print as much money as they want and distribute it among the people, just as its done in the US as well. But sooner or later this will backfire, in one way or another.
Yes, it certainly will backfire. It's all well and good that the government is trying to help people, but in the long run we're going to ... well, pay for it. I'm not sure what else they could do, though.
Meanwhile, the health industry has been called on to do more and more, while the people doing the work are getting sick, too. Oh, boy.