I've hung out and worked around several morticians and they are some of the funniest people you ever meet. (I think they sniff too much embalming fluid) I've got one who is loaded with them, every time I ask how things are going or how's business. "It's awesome, people are dying to get in." "It wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't so dead around here." "It could be better, the crematory broke again, I had two come out half-baked."
I had one conversation that was hilarious.
me-- "Hey how's it going"
Mort-- "Pretty dang good, I just put lipstick on a pig and got paid for it!"
me-- "Dude that is so wrong"
Mort laughing, "No not a fat woman, it was seriously a pig that they were having a funeral for."
me-- "No way, you aren't serious?"
Mort-- "Yep, I was thinking it's too bad they didn't want to cremate it, we could of had a hell of a bar-b-que."

About that time a rather large woman walks in who had been crying, and starts thanking him and saying that "she looks amazing."

He introduces me, I say "Yes we were just discussing that. She must have been special, I don't think I've ever seen anyone care for a pig that much."
Well Mort's get as big as saucers, and the look on the ladies face was even worse. Luckily he talks fast, as the ladies' mother was a rather large woman as well...